Waiting game

It's killing me waiting until next week for the follow up dating ultrasound.  Most of the time I think my date is right and this baby will catch up just like Teddy did.  Other times I figure the doctor is right and I ovulated way later than I thought and somehow didn't notice.  Then there are the other times....  It takes a lot of self control to not buy a pregnancy test just to make sure it's still there.  I'm still not having lots of symptoms.  I felt pretty nauceas on Monday but it wouldn't have sent me running to buy a test.  Most of the time I am not experiencing any real pregnancy symptoms, just normal stuff.  I remember complaining about that with Teddy too though.  And I am certainly grateful if I'm just having a really easy first trimester (especially since last time the third trimester got so rough).  But this is all so unexpected and I have a tendency to be pessimistic and wait for the other shoe to drop.  I'm probably going to be a wreck until I feel consistent movement, which I don't expect until probably 18-20 weeks this time (was 21 with Teddy).  I keep claiming this baby was a promise from God so everything is ok. 

The planning and worrying about logistics has definitely set in.  I didn't put Teddy in the play pen very much.  He hated the bassinet attachment and preferred the swing and later the bouncy seat or my arms.  It took a very long time for me to get to the point where I felt like he could wait because I was showering or cooking and couldn't step away that second or was trying to mop.  I did definitely confuse the concept of not letting them cry to sleep or self soothe at a young age with not letting them cry at all.  Chances are if I would have left him alone for 2 seconds he would have chilled on his own and gotten distracted with one of the thousand toys he has.  But if I'm not trying to get anything done then my general philosophy is to not put the baby in a container (crib, play pen, swing etc).  I was talking with a friend and she said that #2 will probably have to sit and wait a lot.  I feel like my parenting bubble has been burst.  I'm hoping instead it will be happy to hang out in the moby or a sling a lot and that maybe with the age difference Teddy will be ok with independent play.  He does pretty decent at it now but who knows what it will be like when there's someone else that needs me a lot and depends on me for existence.  I'm debating on getting a double stroller for them.  Still trying to sort out moving.  I change my mind daily as to when my personal deadline for it is.  Right now I'm leaning towards before the birth because I need to know that I can control the noise level in the house and that someone else will not just be tromping through mid-day.  I almost lost my mind last time troubleshooting newborn sleep with that crap.

So, I had a stupid freak out yesterday.  I was playing outside with Teddy and the little boy I watch and came back in to get them cleaned up and start on lunch.  I had sat on our cement stoop while the boys played, but my legs were crossed and not touching anything but each other (not the cement or the grass).  My leg was itching and I scratched it once or twice with a sock covered foot.  But then I didn't really have time to worry about it because they were underfoot and I was trying to make lunch.  When we sat down I looked at it and it was bright red with a bunch of white spots.  I had never seen a rash like that.  It didn't have streaks or anything though.  It was itching really bad at this point, but I had not scratched it in like 15-20 minutes.  I continued to resist the urge to scratch, tried googling some things and calling my mom.  I sent her a text with the pic of it and she thought I should at least call the OB and see what they thought.  It had spread some during all this time.  After we finish lunch I call the OB and talk with the nurse and she thought I should be seen that afternoon even though I asked if it could wait until the next day.  So I arrange for mom to sit at the house during T's nap time and I'll take R with me to the appointment.  Other than that I felt fine.  Well, I've had a sort of fever for awhile.  I keep checking it because it's running higher than I think it should.  The same levels it was when I found out I was pregnant and the doctor said I was still sick with the kidney infection.  I don't feel sick otherwise and my urine looks good.  I'm going to talk to the OB about it on Wednesday because it really confuses me.  I can obviously get really sick with a UTI without any earlier symptoms and when I do have a fever I don't even notice it.  Anyway, so that added to my worry with the rash, I was concerned perhaps they were connected, maybe it was cellulitis (though didn't look like it too much from pics online).  Go figure about 30 minutes after I make all the arrangements the rash totally disappears and I feel fine.  I cancelled the appointment  but I feel so stupid for getting that worried.  Though part of it was because I was watching someone else's child and had back to back nap times coming up and wasn't sure about being able to get in that day and didn't know if a mysterious rash was serious or not.

So, here I wait.  I feel like I can't buy anything yet because we don't know where we're going to live, what gender it is yet, and just the fact that I know from experience that I don't need to start yet.  But it certainly makes it less exciting.  I am determined to not complain so much as I did with Teddy.  I try to think back about being pregnant with him and all I can remember is the scary stuff.  And that's mostly all I blogged about.  Unfortunately there's nothing neat to report right now.  Except that I am super excited to see Teddy as a big brother!  He is doing really great with R.  Right now I am really glad that I have so long to prepare for baby because I am so not ready for it to come out.  Eventually yes, but right now I am very glad it takes a long time to bake.