6 weeks and Merry Christmas!

So Teddy is 6 weeks old today!  Everything is roughly the same as last week, except he finally ended his growth spurt.  And now he's more agreeable to napping during the day as well.  I would say that was "usual" but that 2 week spurt threw him off and at this point that's a third of his life so I didn't know what to expect!  It's been nice to get some rest and have some energy left at the end of the day when Doug comes home.  Now if only I could get him to burp well.

So last Saturday was the church Christmas dinner.  Lots of good food and a good time.  We left the camera at the house and then our phones in the car so no pics.  But after we got home we took some in front of the tree.  We will have plenty more on Christmas day.  Christmas eve dinner with Doug's mom's side of the family, then Christmas day with his Dad's, then at my Mom's.  Then on the 29th & 30th we will be at the Beach visiting my mom's side of the family.  Teddy is my grandmother's 3rd great grand child but will be the first one she's gotten to meet and hold.  I'm pretty excited about that!  I hope the drive and visit will go well.  Teddy is pretty relaxed unless we actually need to leave the house at a specific time, then it seems that he figures out we're going some where he throws us for a loop.  We've figured that we need to start getting ready for church a lot earlier than we thought!  We may even need to schedule extra time for nursing in the car in case of a last minute melt down.  And if it's not needed then we'll just be early for church for a change!

Nicknames

Our baby's name is Theodore Robert Bowman.  We call him Teddy.  We are the parents.  The parents are the ones to pick the name.  As in, if you want to call him something else you're out of luck.  Go have your own baby.  I'm not sure how people don't understand this.  We've got family calling him Little Dougie, Theo and Teddy Bob.  Um, no.  If when he is older he wants to go by something else then we will have to deal with that, but for now he is Teddy.  Maybe I don't like what you named your kids, it doesn't mean I'm allowed to call them something else.  If you hate his name that much, then come up with a little nickname for him.  I also call him Teddy Bear, Chunky Monkey, Chunk a Monk, Wiggle Worm, Happy Baby, Beautiful Boy, Sweetie Pie, Sweet Cheeks, Lovey Boy, Angel, Honey, Sweetie, Darling, Child, Son, Boy, Child of Mine, Sonny....and probably dozens of others I don't remember right now.  If you hate Teddy, then call him Squirt or something and that can be your little thing.  But you can't decide to call him Little Dougie as if we named him Douglas III and you can't call him Theo instead of Teddy.  And you definitely can't call him Teddy Bob.  Seriously, we don't want to confuse him!

One month old!

Oh my goodness Teddy has changed so much already!  He's about 10 pounds now (probably more since I weighed him the other day).  He makes a little kissy face when he wants kisses- it's seriously the cutest thing!  He'll coo and stare at faces and objects.  He hooks him arm around mine now when I hold him, it's kind of like a little hug!  He can grab on to things.  On his tummy he can lift his head 45 degrees, sometimes even 90.  But he hates tummy time.  He can scoot his legs around, I think he's going to be an early crawler.  He holds his head up a lot when I'm holding him and prefers to be upright than held in the crook of my arm.  He's so strong.  He can push out with his legs and move his entire body- though not necessarily when I'm expecting it!  So, for now my hand is still holding onto his head or very near it.  He's really exploring his arms and legs and will move around a lot when he sleeps and even when he's awake.  He loves music and the other day he was wiggling all around while we watched Singin' in the Rain.  I tried gettig it on video but then he stopped, lol.  He is finally sleeping in his pack and play for a few hours at a time, but I must admit I miss snuggling him in our bed so I still let him come in sometimes.  He's a pretty noisy sleeper and makes all kinds of grunting and squeeling noises.  He actually remids me of Doug.  I rarely move in my sleep, and even then it's only after fully awaking.  The most noise I make is that I rarely talk in my sleep (aside from pregnancy snoring).  Doug is more mobile and is just loud!

And after having horrible back and shoulder pain for a few weeks I finally figured it out!  I realized I wasn't having any back support while sitting on the bed and that duh- there's things called chairs.  So now we actually use the nursery.  In the middle of the night I'll still nurse in bed though, unless Doug has to get up early. 

So we're still waiting on social smiles and I can't wait for him to laugh, giggle and dance around a bit.  Well, there's my baby alarm....

Update:  The above was written earlier on Sunday Dec. 12.  Since then Teddy's been super hungry and clingy.  He's been not wanting to burp and spitting up a lot.  It's been a little difficult to handle!  But still all worth it.  Just so hard when Doug has to work so much.  I still haven't cooked a meal since he's been born and have barely been upstairs for more than 10 minutes.  I am essentially in our bedroom or his 24/7.  Well, our bedroom also functions as our living room, which used to upset me but I suppose it's a blessing now.  Slowly but surely we're getting used to this parent thing and are figuring out what works for us.  The new plan is for me to cook enough food for several days when Doug has the day off and then I can just reheat as needed.  That way I don't need 30 minutes to an hour to cook a meal for us and I can heat it up whenever Doug gets off work, which varies and is never when he's scheduled.  And hopefully once Teddy settles into his own schedule a bit more I can figure out how to get more things down and have some free time.  Right now just when I think I can get something done and actually feel up to it he decides to wake up!  But of course he puts on good behavior when anyone else is around!  Hahaha.  I guess I can't complain too much about that.

A pic from Saturday when he was 1 month old:

3 weeks old today!

Teddy is 3 weeks old today!  It seems like it's been both a short and long time since he's been born! 

He's soo grown up already!  He can roll onto his side from his back, the tummy will be coming shortly.  He hates tummy time, but can lift his head quite a bit, about 90 degrees sometimes.  In the last few days he's started cooing, smiling back at us and making good eye contact.  He also stays awake for a few hours every day.  Usually once in the morning and then once in the evening, so no matter Doug's schedule he gets some good Daddy time in.  Hehe, and his Grandpa still has rarely seen him awake, but Grandma got to play with him awake yesterday.  At his weight check this week he weighed 8lb 12 ounces, meaning he's gained 12 ounces in one week and is past his birth weight.  So he probably hit it pretty close to the 2 week mark, which is right on average.  We could definitely tell just by looking at him, his face and belly seemed to get more chunky by the day!  His next appointment isn't until mid-January for his 2 month check up and to begin immunizations.  I still need to research those!

Right now our Christmas plans are to be here.  Doug has off on Dec. 28-31 and so the plan is to go to VA Beach and visit my family then.  Maybe we'll slip up to Baltimore and visit my family there.  It takes a lot longer to plan things out since we get our train of thoughts interrupted a lot.

This week has gone a lot better with sleep.  Teddy had a few fussy days where he wanted to be held or near me in order to sleep, but we survived.  It's a good thing he's been sleeping a bit longer (3-4 hours) because it's been a long hard week for Doug at work.  It's his first week as Kitchen Manager at the Applebee's store in Staunton and it's been pretty stressful.  He's been scheduled 7am-5pm this week.  That means he has to get up around 5:30 am in order to get there in time.  But he's not getting off at 5.  I think 7 is the earliest he's made it home, one night it was 9.  So we've only got a few hours together before we need to hit the sack.  It's hard to find time to relax, take care of Teddy and everything.  Poor Doug has only been getting about 6 hours of sleep and then he has to go to work and when he comes home he does things for me around the house. 

I'm still not really doing much but caring for Teddy. I haven't cooked a meal or really cleaned.  I tried doing a load of laundry the other day and it backed up the stupid toilet down here.  Don't get me started on what a hassle all of that has been!  I put away some clothes.  I'm not really sore around my incision anymore but I'm still sore underneath it all, so I'm still trying to take it easy.  The day generally goes like this (with an hour or two on either end on the time): 

6:30 am Doug leaves for work; Teddy usually wakes and eats for about an hour.  Then sleeps.
10:30 am Teddy wakes for a short feeding and returns to sleep
12:30 pm Feeding, play for an hour or two (Bible time, music and excercise time, tummy time)
2:30 feeding, sleep
4:30 feeding, sleep
7:30 feeding, play for 1-2 hours (play with Mommy and Daddy, tummy time)
9:30 feeding, sleep
12:30 feeding, sleep
3:30 feeding, sleep

And repeat!  It's getting closer to 3 hours becoming standard between feedings during the day, but it varies by how he is feeling.  I typically nap when he's asleep too except when Doug is home and for an hour or two before he is home.  I feel so lazy doing it like that but the other day I took him to the pediatrician and then ran into Target for a few minutes and was really kind of hurting later that night.  And there were a few days last week when I didn't get to nap during the day and really paid for it as well.  There is definitely a connection between sleep and emotions!

Ok, need to get off!

So much to be thankful for!

So Teddy is 2 weeks and 1 day old!  I can barely believe it.  He definitely seems older to me, and I know it's only going to get worse!  When he was born he was born 8lb, 6.5 oz.  When we left the hospital he was down to 7lb, 11oz.  The following Tuesday at his first pediatric appointment he was down to 7lb, 3 oz.  But they said that was fine still, my milk was just starting to come in.  Last Tuesday at his (nearly) 2 week appointment he was 8 pounds exactly, gaining nearly a pound in one week!  He eats like a champ. 

Speaking of eating, it's a lot easier to get him to eat now.  I'm not taking my precription pain meds any longer so I think that contributes to his wakefulness.  Sometimes I still need to change him and/or burp him first but it definitely is no longer a 30 minute excercise to get him awake enough to not fall asleep mid-feeding.  A pattern has also seemed to emerge.  He will have shorter feeding sessions followed by a longer one every 2-3 feeds.  Originally I was waking him every 2 hours as recommended by books.  But then a bunch of friends said not to wake him and let him set his own schedule.  So I tried that and sometimes he went 5 hours without waking and then that night he reached a point where he woke every hour.  I was not a fan!  It continued a second night.  And his dirty diapers decreased so I was worried he wasn't getting as much.  I asked the pediatrician and she said to try 3 hours during the day and 4 hours over night.  The 3 hour schedule seems to work well and he continues with that overnight, so I bascially never need to wake him up.  He usually starts rousing a few minutes before the 3 hour point and I just need to help him along, same thing over night.

He now spends time awake a few times a day.  Today he spent nearly 3 hours awake, but he was really over tired and I'm not quite sure why he was fighting sleep then.  So far Doug and I have been the only ones to hold him while he's been awake.  A few people have seen him awake at church, but other than that he's pretty much asleep when others are around.  Which is totally ok with me.  It's not like I'm timing when he'll be awake, it's still a mystery to me as to when he'll choose to stay awake.  The only thing I can think of is that I've been letting him sleep longer over night, but making sure he's getting enough during the day since Tuesday as recommended by the pediatrician and he's still waking every hour for several hours overnight.  He won't always need to eat, sometimes he'll just be fussy, but I think it's effecting his sleep.  In the last night he's also become a noisier sleeper.  We're still getting used to deciphering when to come to attention and when to let him sleep. 

He's still sleeping a few hours each night with us.  He really seems to dislike his pack and play and the swing over night. At some point it's just easier to have him in bed with me and he seems to wake less.  He's only 2 weeks old so we're not worried about him being in our bed "forever" yet.  And we like cuddling with him.  The last night or so since he's become noisier, he'll be quieter in bed and it seems like we all get more rest.  We'll see how that goes but for right now it's working for us.

This has been a busy week!  On Monday a friend and her little girl came over to visit for an hour, that was so nice!  Then on Tuesday was Teddy's second pediatric appointment and then we ran some errands.  It turns out he has a clogged tear duct and so we had to get an ointment for that and also some vitamin supplement since Vitamin D (and others) don't transfer very well in breastmilk.  He loves that stuff and doesn't seem to mind the eye ointment (which is working great, by the way).  Wednesday I had a follow up appointment at the OB office.  Before that in the morning one of my best friends who lives in Winchester came by for a visit.  In the evening friends dropped of some food and visited and then we went to another friend's house for a good visit.  She and her husband were in the area visiting family.  After we got there we realized it was the first time we have taken him some place besides the doctor's office, and certainly for a lot longer.  It went pretty well.  Teddy did need to nurse twice and I'm just not comfortable doing that in front of people I don't know well, and basically any guy except Doug.  So I was in the bathroom with him but it wasn't horrible.  It was nice to slip away and have some alone time with him and then emerge again to hang out with the group.  Most of the chit chat was about Teddy and parenthood, since we're the first in that group of friends, so I hope no one was bored!  Doug insisted talking about poopy diapers etc.  Gosh I hope we don't become those kinds of parents, but in reality Doug and those friends talk about poop a good deal anyway so I don't feel too bad, haha! 

We stayed until midnight and probably actually overdid it considering Thanksgiving was the next day but it was fun and worth it.  The plan was to quickly visit Doug's sister's house.  Usually she doesn't host a Thanksgiving meal and we were told about it just the day before, and then it turns out that the time was really close to the time my Mom had dinner planned.  Then my nephew was trying to buy a paper and was late getting to my sister in law's house and then we were late getting to my Mom's.  The three of us were pretty tired most of the day.  At my sister in law's everyone kept trying to wake Teddy up so they could see his eyes and crap.  I swear I was going to slap someone if they woke him up.  Also, Doug's niece held him most of the time.  Which was totally fine and I was in the other room for about 10 minutes when I realized that's the longest and farthest away I had been from him (except for 3 times when he's been left in the car with my mom or Doug).  So I had to go and check on him.  But at least I've stopped hovering over him to make sure he's breathing while he sleeps, well for the most part anyway.

I'm so thankful for Doug!  He's been such a wonderful husband and father through this adjustment.  I was really worried on bed rest how things would go and he made sure I had food every day and would do all sorts of chores for me on his days off and before going to work etc.  It's been just the same after Teddy's been here.  If I'm feeling a little sore in the middle of the night I can wake him up and have him bring me the baby.  He's been doing all the laundry and cleaning, heating up food etc.  He's been absolutely amazing.  He spends time with Teddy every day and always tells him and me how much he loves us.  I'm so lucky to have such a sensitive and attentive husband!  Doug grew up never hearing from "I love you" from his dad.  Heck, he grew up hadly hearing a thing from him.  And I'm so amazed at how great he's been with Teddy, even though right now all he can really do is just lay there.  Growing up with out a steady father figure it really melts my heart to see him with Teddy. 

Motherhood is just amazing.  Not only has all the regular pregnancy things become worth it, and even the last several weeks where things were scary and difficult, my whole life has meaning now.  The lowest and darkest points are suddenly worth it all because they've made me who I am and maybe without those experiences Teddy would be different, or not even here.  Waiting so long to get pregnant and have him here is worth it all now.  And it's worked the same magic in our marriage.  Honestly, seeing how amazing Doug is with Teddy and how he's been there for me when I really, really need him- I don't think I can complain about the little things anymore.  I could be totally kidding myself, in 6 months or 2 years or something I could be back to griping about the fact that some how one sock always manages to go flying across the room and remain hidden until after the laundry is done; but for right now all I can think of is "Who cares about how annoying it is to hunt down the missing socks.  I have a husband who truly loves me and our child."  I hope that I can always remember feeling this way, and of course that Doug is always this way. 

Birth Story!

My c-section was scheduled for last Thursday at 39 weeks due to Gestaional Diabetes and Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. We were slightly delayed as the one before us had some complications. I didn't think I was nervous or anxious at all, but as the time went on I began to have some mild nervous shakes. It's like mentally I wasn't worried, but I guess my body had to express it somehow! Just before going in the anesthesiologist came in to try to find a spot on my back for the spinal block and mentioned that even my back was really swollen. He said it could be really difficult to find a good spot and that if he couldn't then they'd have to use anesthesia and Doug would have to wait outside. Fortunately he was able to get it in without a problem. It started working right away. I had some mild nauseau and they put something in the IV for that, but no vomiting. Since I'm short there was also the possibility of it climbing high in my chest and giving me the sensation that I wasn't able to breathe, but I didn't have that problem either. It did feel like forever before Doug was allowed in. Literally just before they were ready to cut me open.


They had the blue tent up and no mirror so I wasn't able to see a thing. Just focusing on breathing and holding Doug's hands helped control the shaking and nausea so we didn't do much talking. I knew he was so nervous too! At my growth scan the Monday before they said my fluid wasn't very high, just "generous" but it must have been more than they were expecting! When they broke it they said it just kept coming and coming. Then Teddy was really high up! No where near my pelvic bone. Even though it looked like I was dropping, my fluid was blocking him from dropping. I actually have a vertical incision in the skin, which is near my belly button, and a horizontal incision in my uterus. We're all still surprised at how small the incision is compared to Teddy's size!

At 2:52 out came Theodore Robert, weighing 8 pounds and 6.5 ounces and measuring 21 inches long! The scan on Monday said 8 pounds 11 ounces, so it was really quite accurate. At the nursery he measured at 20.5 inches long, but it's pretty hard to stretch out a newborn. Teddy's head measured at 14.25 inches and his chest at 13.25 inches. The "normal" range for those measurements are 14.5 inches and 14 inches. So again, probably a good call on the c-section. Also, they said that he was the second highest baby they've ever seen and really, really doubted that he would have engaged before or during labor. So it seems that I may have ended up laboring really long and hard and still with needing a c-section. When we heard him cry Doug and I both burst into tears. I really didn't know if that's how I would feel since I originally envisioned such a different birth (home water birth). After weeks of worry, it was just so amazing to hear him and know that he was here for real!

The actual surgery itself was cake. Spinal block went in very easily, just a little sting and then instant numbness. Since it was surgery, numbness was welcome. I just felt some tugging when they were doing everything. It did seem like forever between when Doug and Teddy left for the nursery and when they were finished with me, but really it was only 20 minutes or so. It was about 15 to get him out. After they suctioned him, he let out some good wails and scored 9 on his Apgar both times. DH went to cut his cord (again). My awesome L&D nurse brought him to me so I could touch him and kiss him and just stare at him for a few minutes before he went off to the nursery. When I came out I saw some friends and family oohing and awwing at him.

My recovery time was spent in my actual room. It was really only an hour and then they let people besides Doug enter. I actually wish I had more time than that but people were excited to see him. It didn't bother me then, but later I was pretty exhausted and was so doped up that I don't feel like I got much out of it. And even though I was done with recovery they still had to come in frequently to check on me and Teddy. The only scary part was when they came in with him after about an hour saying his sugar had dropped and he needed to eat right away. The lactation consultant came too and we eventually had success using a nipple shield and formula through a syringe behind the shield. Mostly it was because he was sleeping and didn't want to wake up! I only had to try the shield one more time and since then he's been a great latcher. And except for that one time, his levels have been fine and he's totally healthy!

I'm so glad that I asked for some healing advice on thebump.com! By 8 pm I was out of my bed and walked across the room and sat in a chair for a little bit. The next day after my IV and catheter were out I walked around for a bit. I asked for some Colace but the nurse forgot, but eventually I got it. I was able to pass gas right away (sorry if that's TMI but it's necessary in the c-section world) and eventually have a BM on Sunday. It wasn't difficult at all. I forgot to take the Colace on Monday and Tuesday and paid for it yesterday and some today. Now it's my new best friend. Aside from the first few hours after I was off IV meds, I've stayed on top of my medicine. On Friday the only reason why I didn't is because I thought the nurses would be better about bringing it to me but they got busy and I went from "Oh, it's a little uncomfortable, but I just had surgery" to "Dear God give me the meds now!" in about 30 minutes. Then it was another 2 hours before I was able to get them as they had to take my vitals, then Teddy's and while I was waiting for the nurse to return my meal came, and then Teddy needed to eat. To anyone who is faced with a c-section when you first get your oral meds ask them how often you can take them and set a timer. You'll be busy thinking about other things! I'd recommend asking for them about 30 minutes ahead of time because it takes time for them to return with them and on the off chance you get it right away you can just set it aside for a few minutes.
I was released on Saturday! I was making great progress and really just wanted to be at home. Doug had to be at work at 7 am on Sunday and 6 am on Monday so my Mom stayed the night with me and Doug slept upstairs. Monday my mom was off until noon and then my sister was able to come over until 3 pm and then I'd be alone until 5 pm when he got off. On Tuesday morning Doug had to be at work at 7 am again and it would be his first night in the room with us at home and I didn't know how much help I could count on. I definitely needed and wanted the help for lifting Teddy, burping, changing etc. And Tuesday began when I spent most of the day alone with Teddy and knew the transition would be rushed and less than ideal so I wanted the extra day. I knew the first night would be awful.

It really was awful. At the hospital Teddy was coughing up amniotic fluid sometimes and almost choking a few times so they recommended that he stay in the nursery the first night so we could rest and not worry. The second night he was still spitting up some (though mostly colostrum) so we did it again (even though I wanted him in the room). During the day he sleeps great. It's actually really hard to wake him up for feedings. At night he hates his swing and Pack and Play and fusses every 15 minutes. I really don't understand. Maybe it's too quiet at night, even though we have a noise maker. So we've caved in and he's sleeping with us just so we can make it to this weekend when Doug has off and if he's sleep deprived it's not quite as awful. Also, then I don't need to ask for help bending. I do it during the day but it's worse at night. Doug hardly notices Teddy crying but me making him get out of bed every 15 minutes really took a toll on him and he can't nap during the day like I can! Now, it's second nature to sleep when Teddy is asleep and we're getting a better handle on when to feed and how to awake him etc. Doug loves coming home to cuddle with our little Teddy bear.

The worst part has been that Father in Law decided to install a toilet for me in our laundry room downstairs next to our bedroom but didn't add an extra vent for it and then took off for hunting this week. So now we can't use the toilet, wash clothes, use the sink downstairs or the upstairs kitchen sink because they're all on the same line and it was just too much for the sytem. He has a master's license in plumbing, you think he would have known. And, we were using the room also as a TV room for DH and we can't now because the toilet had to be put on top of a platform that he had to build for the piping and there's not space. Ugh.

Otherwise it's pretty awesome having a baby! I can't believe it's already been two weeks! He truly is so gorgeous! I've never seen a more beautiful and perfect baby!

Last Bump pic!

First pic!



What a big boy!  8lb6.5oz and 21 inches long!



First cuddle with Mommy



Absolutely perfect



Our little family

Last night as a mommy to be!

It feels so surreal to know that I'm finally going to get to meet Teddy tomorrow! 

I"m definitely ready for all the worrying to be over.  My blood pressure is still high, I'm still swollen and still having headaches.  But if it weren't for these things I think I'd be ok hanging in until 41 weeks.  All along I thought he'd be late, so I suppose maybe I conditioned myself for that time.  I feel like I need more time right now!  The house is clean(ish) until my father in law comes home from hunting and then I'm sure it will be destroyed.  So then someone will need to kind of do another pass over it before we come home from the hospital.  I'm having a lot of cramping and pressure, but it's not horrible.  The SPD pain was worse.  I think some of that is mental though.  This pain and pressure is normal, necessary for birth etc.  SPD was awful and so many weeks to go before birth still!  Though I guess it's kind of good to have experienced both.  I haven't really been moving fast and waddle free since August, so I won't have to worry about pushing myself too hard or fast with c-section recovery.

I'm not really nervous about tomorrow.  I've had surgeries before.  The big difference will be being awake for this one.  My other ones anesthesia knocked me out, so I was vaguely aware that several doctors and nurses were in the room but I've been warned that it could feel like a dozen people are descending on me tomorrow.  I think I'll be ok.  I think the worst will be when I'm alone being prepped before surgery and then in the recover room (though I think Doug can be there).  I've already told Doug and Mom to make sure I take my pain meds.  After my other surgeries I gave up on the pain meds shortly after being released.  I still felt some pain but I pushed through it.  I even ate pizza 2 days after having my tonsils released.  But this time I have to care for a newborn.  I've read that keeping on top of the pain management at the hospital really helps getting off the serious pain meds earlier once at home.  And I know from those other surgeries and illnesses that my body can still be in pain even if I don't pause long enough to feel it.  And I'll be setting an alarm to remind myself to remind the nurses when I should get it.  I'll have to force myself to ask them for it even if they don't offer and it seems like they've got other things to do.  Taking care of me will help me take care of Teddy, and so even though I hate being a burden and needing help, I'm just going to have to suck it up and ask!

I'm a little nervous about what it will be like after being released.  I just don't know how I'll feel after it all and a lot of it depends on which day I'm released.  Doug can take 2 days off of work after I'm home but it may not work for it to be the first 2 days.  But his schedule next week is 7am-5pm and Mom also works 6am-3pm and Cindy works early morning too.  I hope I won't need as much help as they make it seem.  I mean, emotionally, I've already prepared myself to be a wreck when I'll be left alone.  But some c-section moms need help even picking up the baby.  I also wonder how well I will be able to handle the stairs.  I think it may work best for me to just hang out upstairs as much as possible.  But we'll cross that bridge when we get there. 

I'm really looking forward to getting to eat normal again.  It's not just because I'm dying for some donuts but I miss getting to have fruit, yogurt, milk, juice, whenever I want.  I miss not having to plan my whole day around meal times and testing times.  And not having to calculate how much protein and carbs are in each meal- especially when trying to eat out.  I miss not having to make sure I've got protein at each snack. 

BUT I'm going to miss feeling him in my belly!  Now I've got to share him with the rest of the world!  But I know it will be worth it and I would not want him to grow inside me forever.  Haha, and I was just telling a friend today about how I blogged several weeks ago about how I just couldn't understand how my belly could continue to stretch and get bigger.  Well, it has and I've survived.  It is pretty exhausting carrying around such a big baby, extra fluid and swelling though! 

I really can't believe I've made it this far.  I can't believe that we survived the first trimester.  I've had friends who haven't made it this far.  I've made it full term.  I've survived the diet restrictions of gestational diabetes and the complications and concerns of pregnancy induced hypertension and the stress of having seemingly indifferent OBs.  And despite it all he's looking really great and healthy on all of his scans this week and we have no reason to fear otherwise tomorrow.  But tomorrow it will all be worth it.  I hope I remember that always! 

And now it's time to try to sleep.  I'm so swollen again, since I've actually been up and getting things done instead of actually doing the bed rest thing.  Oh, and I have to brag on Doug.  He's actually been great the last 10 days of doing things around the house and cooking for me.  So thankful it's just been for such a short time period though!

I can't wait to share some pics of him!!

C-section scheduled for 11/11!!!

I had an appointment this morning.  I'm such a wimp.  I was kind of fuming and feeling hostile before the OB came in, and of course then I softened.  I hope I parent better than that!  But I did at least talk about my concerns this time.  I said that I had read online, and known people, who had pregnancy induced hypertension and they were all induced as early as possible and here I am at 38.5 weeks.  I made it clear that I wasn't just googling worst case scenarios etc.  She said that a new study had come out showing that yes those 3 days were actually pretty crucial and they weren't allowed to induce or have c-sections in less than emergency situations (such as pre-ecalmpsia) before 39 weeks.  I don't know if it's a VA law, or something their insurance mandates; but at least I know they're taking the matter seriously and their hands are tied.  She didn't promise anything about exactly 39 weeks then though, but I still had to do my ultrasound so she said we'd talk about things after that.

Teddy measured 8 pounds and 9 ounces at the ultrasound!  That's huge, but makes me feel better.  At the biophysical profiles we had done at the hospital he was measuring 7 pounds 11 ounces, nearly 2 weeks after the last growth scan when he measured 7 pounds 8 ounces.  I was getting really concerned that he wasn't growing and not getting enough food and oxygen- which happens with pregnancy induced hypertension.  The same tech that did this one did the last one (supposed to be more accurate) and my fluid level went down (that's bed rest for you) so there's less of a chance of that weight being attributed to the fluid.  Of course it can still be off by a pound, she said (I've read even 2 pounds).  But he measured in the 97th percentile for his belly, last time he was 95, time before that 94.  So very broad on all 3 scans.  They medically advised a c-section and I told them they didn't have to talk me into it at all.  As worried as I've been about him the last few weeks I am not going to risk it now with the birth.  I just read a birth story yesterday of a woman who's baby was estimated heavy but not broad (she didn't have GD so there weren't tons of scans done) and he got stuck and it quickly turned into an emergency situation.  Thankfully both baby and mother ended up alright.  I could never knowingly walk into that situation just because I'd rather avoid a c-section.  The risk is just way too high.

So she said that was a great attitude and asked said, "What about Thursday?!"  I was so excited, I clapped and nearly jumped off the table.  Haha.  I wouldn't be surprised if part of the decision was based on the fact that I've been to L&D on my own 2 times due to high bp/migraines and am clearly concerned about it and they just don't want to hear from me any more.  But, also, they sent me once and it's not like I'm faking it or something.  But it feels so good to know that the PIH will only be a problem for the next few days.  By the time we checked out I had bounced between excited and terrified about 7 times at least.  Not terrified of the surgery, but just the fact that I'm going to be a Mom.  Forever.  And now I know exactly when.  I of course can't be sure, but I think it feels different knowing than it does just sitting there knowing that "any time now" you could give birth.  And the weird thing is that several weeks ago I wrote about wanting to know exactly when since most likely a c-section would be needed, or at least have an induction date set.  Hahaha, guess the doctors know better after all!  Now that it's coming it doesn't seem like a very long time period at all.  It seems like there's a lot to do, but of course I still shouldn't be doing that much.

We go back on Wednesday for another BPP, and to go over all the rules etc.  It's set for 11:30 and we'll arrive at 9:30 am.  On Wednesday we'll be told about prepping and recovery, visiting hours etc.  It all feels so surreal!!  Well, I definitely have quite a few things I need to do so I'd better get off!  I'm so grateful to finally have some relief from the stress!

I'm just at my wit's end!

Today we were sent to Labor and Delivery again.  Yesterday I was getting readings of 150/100 and one time even 160/110.  Cindy checked and so did Mom and they both got 150/100 in the middle of the day.  Doug checked in the morning and after he got off work and he got closer to 145/95.  The OB told me to call if it was 150/90 more than one reading in a row.  So Doug and I talked about it and I called, even though I was sure she'd just blow me off again.  Yep!  She said to stop checking for the night because it was late (8:30 pm) and to call her tomorrow if it wasn't normal.  Doug checked as soon as I woke this morning and it was 145/90 and then at 1:30 pm it was 145/95.  So we debated what to do and Doug finally called the number (but made me speak) at 2:30.  She said it was "not that high" and that they worry more if it's 150-160 because of stroke possibilities but to go ahead and come in so they could do more blood work since it had been almost a week. 

So we gather a few things together and get there around 3 pm.  My blood pressure was 120/75 most of the time.  Even when it was checked while they were trying to do a catheter.  They had to try 3 times to get it in because I was so swollen and they had to get extra help.  The tube going in didn't hurt that bad, but all the stretching and spreading did.  While my bp was getting checked my pulse shot up to 130.  Then after an hour of bp checks they said that it was fine and we would just wait on lab work to come back.  They had given me some percocet for my headache, which was only mild at the time, and I told them never worked for me.  I was given that prescription on Monday and it would knock me out but when I woke up I'd still have the headache.  Most of the time the headache is around a 2-3 on the scale, but sometimes shoots up to an 8.  Today it was around a 6 and I was seeing floaters and had light sensitivity again.  So for some reason they chose to focus on that.  After they were done poking me the percocet set in and I was dozing most of the time.  They stopped checking it every 15 minutes and turned it back to every 30 minutes but Doug said that my bp was reading 140/85-145/85 during that time.  Teddy was going crazy during that time too, but his pulse dropped from 140 to 110, or even lower some times.

So the OB came in and said she wanted a biophysical profile done again, even though one was done on Wednesday and another one would be done on Monday.  I started to get really shaky then and mentioned that to her.  She said it was probably the percocet but I said I've never had that reaction before.  Then I was told it would be about an hour before we could get the ultrasond done.  Again, my bp was higher during this time and Teddy's heart rate was still lower than it usually is. 

By the time I was taken for the BPP, I said that I was getting really nauseous.  So they wheel me down to the ultrasound wing and I get on the table.  By this point I had been shaky for awhile and I literally was having to hold up my belly so they could do a scan of my cervix to measure his head.  That's when I lost it.  All of a sudden I had a hard time breathing and was really hot and needed to sit up before I threw up.  They let me sit up, gave me a rag and a cup of water.  I checked my sugar level and it was only 85, which is not that low.  No reason for that reaction at all.  The rest of the scan was quite miserable but Teddy was moving tons so that part went fast.

Doug was able to see his measurements.  My fluid only measured at 17 this time instead of 23 like Monday and 22 the scan before that.  Weird.  And he was estimated at 7 pounds 11 ounces.  On Monday they estimated 7 pounds 8 ounces, and the week before that 7 pounds 7 ounces.  On Monday his head measured at 39 weeks and his belly at 40 and this evening it measured at 38 and 39.  I'm  sure there's some sort of explanation for the differences, could just be that a different person did it.  But the weight factor concerns me.  I was told that unless I delivered by this point I'd probably need a c-section because he'd be so big (again, broad more of a concern than weight) because they gain on average 1 pound a week.  Well, he's gained less than half a pound in 2 weeks then.  That makes sense with high blood pressure, as it restricts air flow to the umbellical cord and results in less oxygen and food supply to him.  He only scored 6 out o 8 because they didn't get a good look at him breathing, but I'm not too worried about that.  I've been told it can be difficult to catch and he was breathing fine on Wednesday.

While she was sending the pics to the OB I was able to turn on my side and felt a little bit better, not much though.  We got sent back upstairs and released.  The nurse came in and said that the doctor said everything was fine but to continue bed rest.  Oh, and they let me have some peanut butter and crackers since I hadn't eaten since 1:30 and it was already 7 pm.

I still felt awful.  Doug and I were wanting to wait for me to leave until I felt better.  Doug was also thinking that somehow my reaction to stress is different.  My bp is higher resting than it is when I'm stressed and we wanted to ask the doctor about that.  She said depending on the bp we'd talk about "possibilities."  On Monday even though my bp was fine at the hospital we were told that we'd talk about induction possibilities on Wedensday.  But neither happened.  I think every time they're thinking about inducing me, I get good bp results and so they change their mind.  But in reality all we have is 2 hours in the last 2 weeks of good bp compared to measurements at home, the office and Wal-Mart pharmacy which show them high.  Much more than 2 hours worth.  We also brought our monitor to compare it to the hospital one, just to be sure it wasn't high and it's not. 

I was literally crying when we left.  I'm just so worried that something awful is going to happen just because when I'm at the hospital my bp is fine, but the whole rest of the time it is not!

Also, yesterday I reviewed my blog and wrote down when all my pregnancy induced hypertension symptoms began to appear.  Thank God I've been good about blogging for this half of the pregnancy!

• Trace protein in urine beginning at week 18
• Mild ankle swelling in July due to heat, activity and being cramped in a car
• 8/20 SPD pain begins
• 8/26 I mention that my ankles are swelling again with increased activity
• 8/31 high blood pressure at my appointment with Misty; then high blood sugar level; but no steady swelling or headaches
• 9/2 3 hour GTT
• 9/15 consult with Dr. Visger due to shaking that may or may not be due to BSL
• 9/17 first official appointment with Shenandoah Women's Healtcare; met with Dr. Aamodt; met with GD counselor in the afternoon and began testing BSL
• 9/20 follow up meeting with Dr. Aamodt, put on insulin at night
• 9/26 ankles swell after only 30 minutes of sitting; not even activity dependent
• 9/29 Growth scan:  5lb4oz, measured 2 weeks ahead (I was almost 33 weeks pg), head at 78%, belly at 95%, "generous fluid", UTI caused by Group B Strep.  Increased swelling, SPD, abdominal pain
• 10/7 decreased movement and told it was normal; hard to find his heart beat due to abdominal swelling; severe ankle swelling not responding to rest, elevation or fluid increase, began spreading up legs
• 10/11 abdominal swelling began to spread and turn red
• 10/13 sent to L&D due to low clotting; tests were normal
• 10/15 random lumps on abdomen appear and are painful
• 10/17 saw floaters again, began seeing them off and on on 10/10
• 10/18 light sensitivity began
• 10/19 first NST, not very cooperative; diagnosed with PUPPs, gained 6 pounds this week; mentioned dull headaches of last week and given 24 hour urine collection; normal bp; continued increase in swelling
• 10/22 NST, decreased movement and almost sent to L&D because of it; woke up with puffy eyes, 24 hour urine and blood work was fine; checked bp at W-M as asked and it was 168/87 and 1 hour later 156/92; headache intensified and sent to L&D; treated for migraine, bp did not return to normal but pain decreased
• 10/25 Growth scan:  7.5 pounds, belly 95%, fluid increase to 22; no NST, headache, high bp rechecked 6 times.  Finally told by Dr. Aamodt that diastolic would pulse at 70 but could not be heard below 100.
• 10/28 difficulty finding heartbeat, bp:  148/100, 132/92, 128/89; headaches still; Darvocet prescribed; difficult NST; lumps are "localized swelling" and "we're talking about your belly."
• 10/31 bp at 10:25 am 155/97 and 149/98; at 8:13 pm 146/93 and 140/85.
• 11/1 NST took 5 people and sonogram to find heartbeat due to swelling; bp at 150/108 and 150/106 30 minutes later, second one taken by Dr. Aamodt.  Non-responsive NST and sent to L&D; told possible induction or hospital bed rest; at L&D my bp was 120/68 but cuff leaking a lot; growth scan 7lb8oz, fluid at 23, 6/8 on BPP.  Put on modified bed rest, prescribed Percocet for migriane
• 11/2 headache began again; bought home monitor; bp at 150/100
• 11/3 bp at 150/90 upon waking; 135/80 at office after BPP; 8/8 on BPP; 24 hour urine collection; kept on bed rest; 2 cm dialated and 50% effaced;
• 11/6 sent to L&D as bp was 145/95-160/110 yesterday; then 145/95 today; headache intensified and floaters seen; percocet given; bp at hopsital was 120/75 during durress but then 145/84 while calm; labwork fine; 24 hour urine at 150; 6/8 on BPP; got shaky but BSL was fine and sent home.

A decent appointment

Monday was scary. Yesterday I woke up with just a twinge of a headache and amazingly Tylenol actually worked! It was so awesome to have a few hours pain free. Around 8 pm the headache came back and I just felt as if my BP was high so I had my mom buy a monitor and come check me. It was 150/100, more or less. I checked first thing this morning and it was around 150/90 before taking a shower and eating breakfast etc. So we weren't too sure what the day held for us. I felt like I barely slept at all. I kept waking up to pee and because I just felt weird (high bp again). The headache was there but I can usually sleep through it.

We had the biophysical profile first and I guess that resting really helped. He scored a perfect 8 out of 8! They took my bp and it was 135/80. Not my usual 120/80, but much better. While trying to do the stupid clean catch though I could feel it increase. Bedrest is definitely helping. So I've been given a prescription for the headaches. It seems like they go hand in hand with the bp. If I can keep the headaches down that and bed rest can keep the bp down and then we can buy Teddy a few more days. If it goes away on its own (yeah I'm not holding my breath for that seeing as it was high for 2 weeks before they started to get concerned- it wasn't a just one time thing!) then we're still set for induction or c-section between 39-40 weeks due to GD.  The NST went great too, for the first time ever!

I'm to monitor my bp at least 2 times a day and call if it's over 150/90 for 2 readings or more. I can also come in the office and get it checked if I'd like. Bed rest is to continue. 24 hour urine collection tomorrow, just to check again. Stay on top of my headache meds. I was dilated 2 cm and 50% effaced. They'll check me again on Monday and if I make it close to 4 cm on my own and not in active labor they'll go ahead and induce me. If my bp is still high except during rest at the next appointment they'll decide when to induce me. And I have a growth scan on Monday. The estimated weight on Monday's non-official scan only had him gain an ounce from the Monday before. So, he may not be so huge, but they don't like doing those tests every week and things could read differently this Monday. So there's a chance that I won't need to schedule a c-section due to his size, even if the PIH is under control and they want to induce me at 39 weeks for GD.

I'll be 38 weeks tomorrow, so they're just trying to buy him some time as long as it doesn't seem life threatening. But I know all the PIH stuff can change fast so if it's not way better by Monday, I may ask about induction even if they're not decidedly for it. I'll be 38.5 weeks then, he'll be plenty mature, for months now the idea of 39 week delivery has been there. What can 3 days really do for him, except increase the chances of PIH getting worse? Again, that's if things aren't looking much better by Monday. I'm not really hopeful of going into labor on my own, I know 2cm and 50% effaced doesn't promise a thing and other than spicy food and pineapple and maybe evening primrose oil, I can't do much to try to induce. But all in all, one of the best appointments I've had in weeks. They're finally taking things pretty seriously and talking to me about the plan(s) and there's been some physical progress.

Another L&D trip and bed rest

And the drama continues....

I had still been having headaches since my last trip to L&D on 10/22.  While there my BP was slightly above normal (it was pretty high at Wal-Mart just an hour earlier though) and they diagnosed me with a migraine since everything else came back normal.  The pain medicine given to me that night helped a lot but the headache never went away.  I struggled with it flaring up off and on the rest of the weekend.  For the rest of the week the dull part of the headache was always there but would not flare up every day.  I had an appointment on Monday 10/25 and got told that my fluid level was high and Teddy was still measuring in the 95th percentile for his chest and belly width and if he didn't come in the next week or so on his own he would be a c-section at around 39 weeks.  My BP was high but the OB said that when he watched the dial he could see it pulse at a lower point, so it was ok.  I didn't really buy that answer.  Then I was scheduled for another appointment on Thursday.  My BP was high then too.  They had me lay down while trying to do my non stress test and it lowered a little.  They checked it 5 times and it finally lowered some.  I told them I still had the headache and that OB gave me a prescription for it. The pain isn't horribly intense, it just never goes away and is interferring with my sleep.  I took it one night and felt really nauseous but the next 2 nights I didn't.  Though I couldn't say for sure it made the headache go away, since I was supposed to take "every 4 hours as needed" and I generally am trying to sleep for longer than that.  So Monday morning I tried taking it during the day (couldn't over the weekend because I had to drive to take Doug to work).  Didn't even touch the pain.  Also on Sunday I checked my BP at Wal-Mart right after dropping Doug off at work, within about 30 hours of waking up and it was 155/97.  A few minutes later it went to 149/98.  At my appointments in the office the week before it was my diastolic (bottom) number that was high (in the mid 90s) so even though the top number lowered I knew it meant something that the bottom number was so high. 

All this leading up to my appointment yesterday.  They checked it when I first got there and it was 150/108.  So then they had me lay down while they tried to do the NST.  It took 5 people and the help of a portable ultrasound machine to find his heartbeat.  There's just so much extra fluid!  He can move just a smidgen and it's nearly impossible to find him again.  But this doesn't worry me anymore, they always do find him and I can feel him moving during all of it so I know he's ok.  So after 30-45 minutes the OB (the one that said it was fine the Monday before) took it and it was still 150/106.  Also, every time Teddy would move he would jump off the monitor so they couldn't say for sure that his heartrate was jumping at least 15 points during movement and therfore responsive.  There were smaller movements he made and while his heartrate increased, it wasn't by very much or for very long.  All of this is important to know how he can handle contractions and labor.  So he wanted to send me to L&D since their machine is supposedly more sensitive and to have some blood work done, bp monitored (by a machine versus person and over several hours) and an ultrasound to check on some things.  Doug mentioned today would be a good day for a birthday and the doctor didn't disagree with him.  He said before that depending on my tests I may be a "permanent resident of Hotel Rockingham."  I took that to mean more hospital bedrest than possible induction, but Doug was more hopeful. 

It was really busy when we got there!  They had difficulty finding his heartbeat and couldn't get it when I was on my left side, which I needed to be on for the bp monitoring.  My bp was either insanely good (120/60s- diastolic number lower than I ever remember hearing in my life) or the cuff would leak air for some reason.  So I don't put a lot of faith in those numbers, though it's pretty clear that after laying down for a while on my left side it does lower it.  And that just from the time of getting up in the morning to shower, eat breakfast and sit upright in the office waiting room it skyrockets.  Anyway, no real result on the NST since they couldn't keep his heartbeat on the monitor and the nurse kept having to leave due to all the other patients. 

The ultrasound checked his growth, my fluid and also did a biophysical scan.  He's estimated at 7 pounds and 8 ounces, and my fluid went up from 22 to 23.  This surprises me because at the office they said his weight was probably a little less due to the high fluid count.  So in this case my fluid increased a little but his weight barely did.  At this point babies gain around a pound a week, and Teddy has barely gained an ounce.  It's not too scary since he has been measuring big to start with but it means he's not growing on average now and therefore something is wrong.  This is normal for women with high blood pressure during pregnancy, definitely no denying the problem now.  On the biophysical profile Doug saw that the ultrasound tech noted that he wasn't making any practice breaths.  He told me when she left the room for a few minutes about that and I knew it meant something bad.  I knew they were supposed to take practice breaths by now.

When we got back to our room in triage the OB on call came and talked to us.  She put me on modified bed rest. Except her definition is barely modified.  I know of other people on modified bed rest who are allowed to do a lot more!  I'm only allowed to pee, shower and reheat something from the fridge.  I need to deide between staying upstairs with the bathroom all day and being in my father in law's way and on the uncomfy couch or us buying some sort of other toilet arrangement so I can be in my bedroom.  Sigh.  She also said that Teddy scored a 6 out of 8 on his biophysical scan.  She said that's not awful but that I'd have another one done at my next appointment.  She didn't mention which things he was down on but I'm guessing the breathing was one of them.  She said that for right now he's still better on the inside than out but that we'd talk about induction at my appointment tomorrow.  I told her that I was told c-section at 39 weeks if he didn't come on his own.  She said that was different now.  I'll be 38 weeks on Thursday, so I'm guessing they'll think about it sometime after that.  And if he's not so huge then maybe I won't need a c-section.

I was just so unprepared for all of that!  The night before Doug and I talked about how to get some answers from them given my non-stop headaches, high blood pressure and swelling.  After weeks of them not really taking it seriously (or so we felt) we thought we'd have to push for some answers which would probably just be "everything is fine" or "you're being pranoid."  We weren't really prepared for them to send us to L&D without so much as conversation from us.  I guess I'm hard to please.  I wanted them to address the issues but I wasn't expecting being sent to L&D or being put on bed rest.  And again I'm annoyed because I was hoping that it really was all nothing and that they weren't keeping things to themselves.  But instead it seems that all along it was an issue and it just came to a head yesterday.  Of course, I'm happy they did the right thing and all, but geez, they just led me on all these weeks.  They never said explicitely to not worry or anything, but they kept saying that my labwork was fine so I didn't have pre-eclampsia etc.  They never said that they were still worried about it, or that just having pregnancy induced hypertension would be a problem.  Though at least now if I get there tomorrow and they want to induce on Friday I'll be a bit more prepared for it.  Though now I feel less prepared to actually have him home because the house needs to be cleaned again, just like it needs it every week, dishes need to be done, laundry, food cooked.  Yeah, I'm not supposed to cook, but the last time I had to rely on Doug to help me with cooking for the gestational diabetes he did it all wrong.  There's still more shopping to be done.  Teddy has basically everything he needs but I don't have any post-pregnancy supplies for me etc.  I guess I'll try to send Mom on an errand run, if she even bothers to call me that is.  My problems seem so little compared to the fact that her boyfriend lives 4 hours away and she pretends to visit her elderly and sick mother and instead is spending time with him and it didn't matter if it was 2 weeks before I'm due and has had complications and she's been freaking out about it all.  Guess who just booted herself out of being in the delivery room.  And now Doug is laughing at the idea that I may have to use a portapotty.  Not a fan of life today.

Full Term!

So I turned 37 weeks, or full term, yesterday.  I was undecided at first but now I am trying my best to get him to come out!  They're only a bunch of old wives tales, nothing remotely guaranteed and since I haven't had an internal exam I have no idea if all the cramping and pressure I've been feeling is doing anything.  But anyway, I figure it won't hurt to try and since he's full term everything should be fine.  Better to try to help him along in the next week than have a c-section.  If it weren't for the "threat" of c-section if I go longer than 38-38.5 weeks.  Otherwise, while feeling uncomfortable, I wouldn't be so desperate to try to get him out.

Another blah appointment yesterday.  He was moving tons but again they had a hard time getting his heartbeat.  My blood pressure was high again.  It was 148/100.  And this time it was a very experienced nurse doing it and she was looking at the gage too so I don't really agree with what Dr. Aamodt said last week.  So they had me lay down and it went down to 132/92 and then later 128/89.  I wasn't even worried about it when I walked in, or even afterwards.  I've basically come to terms with the fact that they are clueless about what they're doing with me and I need to be my own advocate and so if I feel like something is off I'm going to labor and delivery.  I was given a prescription pain med for my migraine, which I've still had.  Most of the time it's more in the background and I can get a few things done a day but if I do too much it flares up.  It also seems to be related to hunger.  My BSL numbers were getting crazy and I'd try snacking on "free" things or protein and I'd still be hungry.  So I knew that I'd be put on insulin during the day.  They upped my overnight insulin number again and now I'm taking insulin before dinner.  It seemed to work pretty well last night.  I felt full a little longer and my number wasn't too high and my fasting number this morning was lower.  I didn't try eating on the higher end of my carb limit just because I was eating leftovers but I'll try it tonight.  I've been told that it will give me more flexibility, which is nice. 

Doug was with me this time so he got to witness all the things I've been griping about.  Like when they had me go to my left side to try to get my BP even lower, they couldn't find the heartbeat then.  They could feel and see him moving but after 10 minutes 2 different nurses couldn't get a heartbeat.  The more experienced one said she'd check with the doctor but most likely I'd have to get in for an ultrasound because it's not good that they wouldn't be able to find it- even with all my swelling.  I joked that he was full term today so just go ahead and induce me.  It wasn't that much of a joke though.  I'm just exhausted from all of this crap.  5 minutes later she comes in and the doctor (Dr. Visger who I don't like or trust) said that because he was so responsive before it should be fine.  But he wasn't very responsive before.  Yes, he had loads of movement but his heartrate barely went up, I've been told they're looking for pretty high spikes. 

Also I had Dr. Visger look at those lumps on my belly that have migrated about 4 inches south, 2 inches per each dropping.  He dropped again the other night.  Now not only do I feel like he's just going to fall out between my knees but my belly is almost there!  She said she thinks it's just "localized swelling."  Below my belly button is really swollen due to all the extra fluid hanging out there.  Since when I'm laying down and in the morning it's not as noticeable, hard or painful that's the best she could come up with.  I just wanted to make sure it wasn't like his cord wrapped around a foot or something.  She said definitely not, so I guess that's that.  She did mention that "We've all been talking about your belly."  What's that supposed to mean?  Doug took it to mean that I'm some oddity they've never seen before and will be published in an article or something.  Everyone who sees it is shocked.  Every nurse and tech, every doctor.  I feel like some awful science experiment gone wrong. 

I forgot to bring up the pre-eclampsia thing.  It's just this is my rationale:  it's usually diagnosed after 37 weeks.  Meaning just by turning 37 weeks my risk factor goes up to be diagnosed with it.  They already said due to it being my first pregnancy and the GD I was higher risk for it.  Ok, well is there anyway I could have it and not have the protein in my urine?  Is there anyway the lab could be wrong?  As in what's the precentage of error?  I guess in the long run it doesn't mean much.  My BP isn't horribly high and I'm not having seizures and the only "cure" is to deliver the baby, which they would have wanted to wait and do after 37 weeks anyway.  But some studies shows bed rest helps. Which I can rest a lot during the day but there are times when I do run around and do a lot.  I don't want to be hurting him!  My grandmother and aunt are freaking out because when my grandmother was pregnant she had preeclampsia (called toxemia then) and had all the same symptoms as me.  She delivered at like 28 weeks and some how in the 1960s the baby made it.  But again, it's not the 1960s.  But I just feel like the doctors aren't really talking to me about what's going on or trying to reassure me.  It's almost as if I'm a hassle.  Well, I know taking forever to find his heartbeat slows things down for the office, but it's not like I can do anything about it.  Other than obvious medical concerns such as horrible swelling, a migraine for 2 weeks and high BP, I am not bothering them about every little thing.  And even then I try to be relaxed and take what they say.  But I'm trying to be firm about it too.  I think next time we may try to get my mom to come because she'll bring up things I forget and hopefully won't be sidetracked by all the NST issues like Doug was.  Basically, I won't be using them next time.  I'll try Harrisonburg OB/GYN but if I develop GD again I may see if there is a high risk OB in town that specializes in that sort of thing.  I suppose for the average noncomplicated pregnancy it's not so bad, but I wouldn't recommend this office for complicated pregnancies.

So I've finished my pineapple and I think I'll try to take a walk.  I'm getting so much pressure when I stand and walk around, but it gets better when I sit or rest so it's not real labor.  Then Doug is supposed to take me to El Charro, where hopefully I can stomach something spicy.  He brought home Buffalo Wings last night, but I hate Buffalo sauce!  It's just so sour and vinegary.  I have a shower with his family on Sunday, which should be nice.  Way smaller than the church one, but still nice.  And later tonight, if I still have energy I plan on making and freezing some pasta and Chili- then my freezer stash for after pregnancy will be pretty much done.  There's more I could make but his Dad still hasn't brought over the extra freezer from storage so I have limited space.  And I know others will bring us food and once the GD veil is lifted I'll be jonesing for some high sugar and carb things anyway.  So far I have:  chicken pot pie, Chicken and mixed veggie chowder (way better than chicken soup!), 2 freezer skillet meals and 2 frozen pizzas.  The first two should be enough to feed us for 2 nights.  Lunches should just be simple sandwiches or leftovers.  Then I'll add in the Chili (2 dinners) and the pasta (4 dinners) and that's 14 meals.  I'm going to try to make some goodies to freeze too, like cookies and cinnamon rolls, pancakes.  But I think I'll be hitting the cereal bowl pretty hard!  I've only had cereal once since the GD diagnosis and that was for dinner.  A bowl of Cheerios, 1/2 cup of milk and 1/2 slice banana was 45g of carbs.  I can't wait to eat things like lucky charms, or bagels, or muffins, or Ihop's Stuffed French Toast with hashbrowns for breakfast!  Or really anytime.  Breakfast is my favorite meal, even though I rarely eat a big breakfast (or before GD breakfast at all) in the morning.  Seriously, even a fruit and yogurt parfait which is deliciously healthy is super high in carbs and I can't have.

Ok, now I feel like I have to go on that walk.  Just thinking about all that sugar makes me feel guilty!

Drama, drama, drama

I feel like I need a vacation!  Earlier in this pregnancy there was all sorts of drama with moving to VA, leaving AK, all of that.  I posted about that a few months ago, no need to rehash it all.  Then it's taken some time to readjust here and right around the time we kind of got our sea legs came the GD diagnosis and now every appointment brings something new!

At my appointment on Friday they did a non-stress test.  Teddy wasn't moving and even after a lot of poking and prodding his heart rate wasn't going up like it should.  The point of a NST is to make sure that his heartrate will increase during contractions.  If you're not having contractions at the time of testing then they look at his movement.  At my first NST on Tuesday he didn't move a lot.  Sometimes he moves more after I eat so I made sure I had just eaten breakfast before this appointment.  Also, cold drinks work well.  So I had a diet coke and some ice water.  Nada!  They finally gave me some juice but he still didn't really move until 15 minutes later so they don't think that even worked.  First it took forever to find his heartbeat.  I'm so swollen it's just so hard!  Then I was there for about 2 hours and they were getting very concerned.  They finally said that if they didn't get good marked movement and an increase in a heartrate in the next 10 minutes they were going to have to send me to the hospital to get an ultrasound.  Which freaked me out because they have ultrasound machines there- why would I specifically need to go to the hospital?!  They extended that 10 minute scenario 2 times and that's when he finally cooperated.  It was lunch time so they just kind of said "Well, that was close but he's fine so you can go."  And as I was going out the door I asked for the results to my 24 hour urine collection, which they said was fine.

My instinct said to sit down and demand to talk to a doctor.  It didn't make any sense.  I was told that the decreased movement was fine, but yet they were getting scared today.  I was already told that I'd be monitored for pre-eclampsia becasue I am at a higher risk with GD and after I told the doctor at the appointment on Tuesday about my headaches and seeing floaters (but not constant) she wanted to do a 24 hour urine collection.  My blood pressure had been fine at all my appointments in October but in September they were generally borderline.  My swelling has been crazy!  Laying down and elevating my feet and increasing my water hardly reduces it at all.  I'll wake up in the morning and they're still swollen.  All the way up my legs now.  That morning I noticed that the indentation of the seam to my nightgown was in a lot deeper than usual so I wondered if my thighs were swelling too.  And my eyelids had been puffy.  I should have asked for them to check my BP but I didn't.  The only symptom I'm missing from the diagnosis of pre-eclampsia is high protein in the urine.  And they didn't tell me a number so I don't know if it's one of those things where I was totally in the clear or I barely passed.  Either way, I always get the feeling that they think I'm blowing everything out of proportion.  So then I'll stop mentioning things and then 2 weeks later they'll be concerned about it.  That happened with the swelling, my rash and now the movement. 

But I left.  I was upset and posted on thebump and was encouraged by them and my mom to go ahead and call and see if there was any explanation for the things going on.  I had never been told why all of it was going on, just told that after lab work everything was fine.  I want to trust the labwork, but there have been other times when I've been sick with things and the labwork didn't seem to indicate it.  Such as the kidney infection stuff.  There is still no earthly reason why no antibiotic ever got rid of it and yet I never got worse.  There were ultrasounds done and usually if you're sick like that for that long other things are going on, like kidney stones, bladder cancer etc.  Nope, totally fine.  And then inexplicably it disappeared.  Even this last time with my UTI caused by Strep B, they didn't want to send out for a culture because the dipstick said it was fine, but I knew something was up.  And I'm not a doctor.  I don't know if there is a 1 in a million chance of having pre-eclampsia without high protein or not.  I could be that one in a million.  I know I sound paranoid and like a complainer but after some of the things I've gone through and the fact that it would be effecting my baby- I feel justified in asking those questions!  I was 99% sure everything was fine and that it just meant I would be miserable but as long as everything was fine with Teddy I was ok with that.

So I called in, again not really thinking anything was wrong, just wanting that to be said to me.  The nurse called back and said that swelling can be bad sometimes and to try xyz, all the things I've been doing since July.  I spend hours everyday in bed.  Just sitting right now on the computer my feet have started to swell and are in pain.  She also suggested getting my BP checked at Wal-mart or something just to ease my mind.  So not the answer I wanted to hear, but I accepted it.  I had a bit of a headache but took a little nap.  I still had the headache when I woke up and decided I'd get my BP checked before picking Doug up from work.  I thought it was a fools errand though, because all my lab work for pre-eclampsia just came back fine and it had been fine for weeks.  The Wal-Mart off of Rt. 33 is always crowded, especially on a Friday evening.  I didn't think it really effected me but when I tested it was 157/87 with a pulse of 122!!  At first I thought the machine was broken but the bottom number wasn't horribly off from where it usually is for me.  So I tried again and thought about relaxing on a beach and it was still just as bad.  The headache had really intensified, especially due to the lights and driving at night and I was feeling a little dizzy.  So I left and picked Doug up.  I told him I needed to eat something and wanted to relax for about an hour and to try the other Wal-Mart (much slower paced) and see what it said.  He had been pushing for me to just go to the hospital since 3pm (but I think he mostly just wanted to leave work early and is hoping for Teddy come out every day).  So he agreed to that.  An hour later I tested and it went up to 162/97!  Doug tested and his was fine, so definitely not a problem with the monitor.  I knew enough about pre-eclampsia to know that even if that's what was going on it wouldn't be life threatening.  The worst that can happen is the BP getting so high I have a seizure, which at this point wouldn't happen and there's medicine that would be given to prevent one.  If they needed to delivery Teddy tonight he would be fine at 36 weeks.  He might have to spend some time in the NICU but it's not the scary scenario it would have been at 34 or less weeks.  So I don't think that I was overly anxious about it.  I can surprisingly be calm in a crisis when needed.

So I called the office and they said to go on into to Labor and Delivery.  The doctor thought it was probably a migraine but said that they'd go ahead and check my labs again.  When I got there they made me use a wheelchair due to the high BP, I felt so ridiculous since I wasn't having contractions!  Then they started checking my BP and it wasn't horribly high but not normal either.  The headache was awful, at least an 8 on my headache pain scale.  They had to do a catheter which really hurt!  I had one done a few years ago but I'm so swollen and sensitive now!  And having the headache didn't help.  They kept having to turn the lights on and the noise from the heartrate monitor even seemed really loud to me.  Every little tug and prick hurt 1,000 times worse.  After the labwork came back clean it was clear that it had to be a migraine, which spiked my BP, and therefore also made the pain worse.  So I was given some medication (Oxytocin or Oxycodon- I can't remember which).  And that started to work really well.  It didn't erase the pain but I was able to be discharged and sent home.  For the rest of the weekend the pain was still there and would flare up sometimes, usually at night or after being around artificial light.  I'm still suffering with it.  So I missed church this weekend, felt like dying after my appointment yesterday and so far today have done nothing.  This post is taking longer than I thought so it's not helping.

So my appointment yesterday wasn't the greatest either.  I had my growth scan done first and he is still measuring really broad at 94%.  His weight is estimated at 7.5 pounds but that could be off to start with plus the fact that I've got a lot more fluid this time.  But last time he was 5.5 pounds and measuring 95% broad so there does seem to be a consistent pattern.  My blood sugar levels have been crazy for the past few days.  I'll eat the same thing and they'll be inexplicably high or low.  I forgot my sheet yesterday but I have another appointment on Thursday and if they're not insanely better and more regular and I somehow remember a rhyme or reason to the other numbers I'll be put on insulin during the day as well.  Well controlled GD patients can usually go 40 weeks.  Since mine isn't and is getting worse, that alone would make them want to induce at 39 or 38 weeks.  We'll have another scan at 38.5 weeks but right now it's looking like a c-section is needed.  Not really because how much he weighs but because he's so broad and GD babies grow differently.  The benefits of having a c-section, even if it ends up not being necessary, outweigh the risk of him getting stuck during labor.  This is actually better news than I was expecting.  I was preparing myself to hear a c-section at 38 weeks, so I have at least a few more days to get everything ready.

After the scan I was supposed to do my NST.  Actually, I thought I would have time for lunch and they'd do the NST as part of my appointment (scheduled 2 hours later).  But no.  Glad I brought a snack!  I had to wait to use the machine and then it took 15 minutes to get a good hold on the heartbeat again.  I had the monitor on for about 3 minutes when the nurse came back in and said we don't need to do it since there was good movement on the ultrasound.  Yes, I know that.  She told me she would note that in there in case there was trouble like last time but the tech didn't say it was going to replace a NST.  I even asked, "Are you sure?  I thought the purpose of a NST was to monitor if his heart rate increases during a contraction or movement.  He was moving just a little during the ultrasound and only one good jab and she wasn't really monitoring the heart rate."  The nurse said she was sure and so then I had to do my regular appointment.  She begins to test my BP and my bottom number is crazy high.  I had a headache again, I assumed from the hunger and so much time in the weird light.  But she took it 4 times before telling me to lay down and that she'd come back and check again.  Same thing 10 minutes later.  Finally they got the doctor to come and do it and he took it about 5 times.  He finally rationalized that for some reason they couldn't hear it when it was lower than 100 but when he looked at the dial he could see it pulse at 70.  Ok, but everyone could hear it just fine on Friday?  And I don't remember it ever being in the 70s, it was always at least 80.  Does that mean people have been wrong all along?  Why can't you hear it?  So then I totally forgot to try to get a real explanation about the swelling etc. and ask about the whole "one in a million" concept just to put my mind at ease and ask what on earth is going on with these knots I have in my upper abdomen.  I asked the ultrasound tech if she could figure out what they were and she just ignored me and until last week I thought it was a foot!  But they've gotten bigger, rounder and are painful.  So basically that was the appointment.  "Oh, here's this lame explanation for your bp being weird again, you know your labwork came back fine (yeah I do, but pre-e usually develops after 37 weeks so therefore the majority of women are fine at 36 weeks and suddenly not at 37 so I could have been fine on Wednesday and Friday but not now), looks like a c-section will be needed due to xyz but we'll decide for sure when after the next ultrasound, and so we don't need to do internal exams, ok, bye now." 

GRRR!!!!!!  Well, and I managed to get a note from him which will give me a nice extension on my classes.  Ugh, I hate how short and dramatic each appointment is.  One time I even wrote everything down and the doctor was sooo annoyed that I had a list and didn't let her go until I went over each one.  I know they're the doctors but I'd like to be told what is going on.  For all I know they could all be thinking "Ok, she's going to need insulin during the day, a c-section, probably at 38.5 weeks etc and given the swelling and BP she will likely develop pre-eclampsia at 37 or 38 weeks so maybe we'll take him earlier."  GRRR!  If in their experience that has been the case, just tell me.  I swear I'm not one of those women who will freak out.  I just want to be prepared so I won't freak out.  So far every complication that has arisen they seem to have totally seen coming.  Well, then why not share it with me?  Do you think I like spending hours on google everyday and trying not to let my mind get ahead of itself, but when I'm not given answers what do you think I'm going to do?!  Such as when my BP was high, I had done research on pre-eclampsia and so I knew that everything would be ok if I was indeed diagnosed.  But now my fear is that they're not taking me seriously and so I could miss being diagnosed because not every woman has every symptom (again, I don't know but that seems to be the way every other illness under the sun works) or that they've had a plan all along but I don't get to know about.  As in if there is a 1 in 6 chance of me giving birth at 37 weeks due to pre-e, tell me!  If there is a 1 in 4 chance of me needing a c-section, tell me!  If there is a 1 in 5 chance of it needing to be performed during the 38th week due to my sugar levels, tell me!  I don't know about any of those numbers, I'm just making them up.  But I am a statistic.  I know that.  I fit into an equation like that somewhere.  Well, tell me then!  Otherwise, most first time births have like a 95% chance of going late.  See, most mothers are prepared to go past 40 weeks.  I'd just like to know if I should be prepared to go even earlier or develop yet another complication.

I'm sure there's no perfect OB/GYN office out there, but I am not happy with how things are going at this place.  And now, my mom's co-worker has told me not to let Dr. Visger do my c-section.  She's the one who I've had bad experiences with.  Ok, so when the time comes to schedule one do I just demand that it's not her?  What if I go into labor early and she's the one on call?  They all have days when they're the ones at the hospital doing procedures, and then also days and nights when they're on call.  I have a 1 in 4 chance of getting her no matter what.  I wish I had put more effort into researching which OB to have before scheduling with them after my GD test.  I probably would have gone back to my original OB/GYN in Hburg (Harrisonburg OB/GYN) and now I kind of wish I had.  I just wanted to hurry up and get it settled and we didn't have insurance yet so it didn't seem like it mattered very much. 

Ok, I have to stop since my eyes and head are really hurting and my feet belong to an elephant now.

36 weeks

So I'm 36 weeks pregnant today, meaning starting my 9th month!  It's so crazy to think in just a few weeks (or less) Teddy will be here and our lives will never be the same.  I think about it all the time now.  When Doug and I are just lounging on the bed watching TV and the cat is curled up between us, I think about soon it will be our baby!  Right now while Doug is on Xbox and I'm wasting time online and it's basically pretty quiet, I know we will not have too many more quiet moments to ourselves! 

So my shower was Sunday and it was huge!  Kind of overwhelming, but we got so many things.  The night before I finished getting everything from my Mom's house and kind of got all that squared away.  She bought so many outfits!  We ended up only keeping the ones over 6 months that we got from the shower, aside from one or two that were just too cute.  It's hard shopping for that age group right now because it will be Spring/Summer and all the stores have Fall/Winter clothes out.  I told Doug's aunt, who is throwing me a shower on the 31st, that I don't mind thrift stores and yard sale items.  So hopefully that will help.  There isn't much left to buy and I think they're a little disapointed.  But it's like I told Aunt Susie, I know what I have not necessarily what I need.  I'm a first timer here!  I know when I was a nanny that I had to change the 6 month old a few times a day.  She would get things all over her, but then I just got to leave and not worry about the laundry.  I think he has enough clothes, but who knows for sure?  So since there was a grandbaby born just last year on that side of the family maybe they can come up with some ideas of things that we'll need. 

Even though we plan on cloth diapering we have enough disposables to do a few weeks on and enough wipes for probably the first 6 months!  So that's nice.  Mom and I are going to work on sewing a stash for him since there are patterns online for free and we have extra fabric which is just as absorbent as the kind I could buy already in cloth form.  I'm really kind of excited about breastfeeding.  I know it's going to be difficult at first but I love knowing how much money it's going to save, how convenient it is and the bonding of it all.  Even though I've heard a few downers try to talk me out of it. 

So last time I mentioned that I'd do a breakdown of our costs. 

Paint:  $80.  We started with black walls so we had to prime and then paint.

Ceiling:  $50 for paneling and $30 for fabric

Door:  $30 gift from father in law

Curtains for closet:  $30 but used a gift card

Carpet:  room started with concrete floor, free!  We pulled up carpet from a room upstairs that has gorgeous hardwood.

Border:  $40.  I'm not proud of this price.  But I couldn't find a Pooh border that I liked and it was going to cost that much anyway.  So I went with a solid brown ribbon from Michael's.

Dresser:  free, from old one used by Doug's aunts.
Light fixtures:  $30

Crib:  $99.  We were going to get a 4in1 that could convert to a toddler bed, day bed and full size but we found Doug's old twin size and it's still in good condition.  And this way we won't have to buy a new crib for number 2 etc.  And so that saved us $60

Changing table:  $35.  Originally it was supposed to be free, with the crib order but then we still had to pay shipping for it.  When we cancelled the crib order they never made us pay full price for the table (should be $75).  So don't tell Target!  We definitely could have gotten it for cheaper via Craigslist (not that exact one) but at the time it wasn't going to be cheaper than free.  Oh well, not the worst price.

Car seat:  Doug's aunt just told me she has a brand new carseat bought last year that they decided not to use for her granddaughter.  I just need to confirm that it hasn't been recalled and make sure it fits fine (and isn't pink hopefully) and that will save us $115. 

Stroller:  We're going to see how it goes without one.  We won't be using it until the spring, unless I want to take him shopping with me, which I never shop and could always use the car seat carrier or sling instead.  So when we do buy one it can just be an umbrella stroller and much cheaper than the infant kind.  Roughly $50 new versus $150+ and I will definitely be trying to find it used instead.

Bassinet/Play yard/Pack n Play:  Mom bought it for $30 I think?  So $0 for us.

Rocking chair:  So it's not a rocker.  But we have a giant oversized chair from Doug's former step-mother that we've had for about 5 years now.  It's very comfy and will be great for late night feedings.  I'm still considering using the rocker from upstairs if it seems needed.  But either way:  FREE!

Bouncy chair:  not one but 2 for free!  (one stays at Mom's)

Swing:  we'll borrow from Doug's cousin

Bookcase:  Mom is buying this.  So I'll just have to buy some of the fabric cubes that I want.  Maybe $30.

Clothes:  so far I have spent $10.  I bought a "Future MVP" onesie at a thrift store before I was pregnant and then 2 gender neutral ones on clerance at Wal-Mart before we knew his sex.  All other ones have come from my Mom and as other gifts.  And boy is a lot!

Bathroom/Health/Saftey:  free.  So far everything has been a gift.

Diapering:  We have enough disposables for a few weeks and then cloth diapering for close to free.  Same with wipes.  Total cost maybe $50 until he is potty trained, and then they can be reused for another child.

Feeding:  Mom bought a used breast pump, which I have read online may be a closed system and therefore considered fine to use.  I need to call the manufacturer to confirm though.  It was $10.  If not, I have a new one as a gift.  We have a few bottles and breast milk storage bags as gifts because I do want the option to bottle feed breast milk.  So far we haven't bought anything.  Doug's aunt said that his side would buy things for solid food eating.  I plan to make my own baby food, by the way, but we still need child approved plates etc.  But I bet they'll buy more than enough.

Um...I think that's it.  Really, we didn't have to get that much.  I don't know if people were really generous because they knew we had moved and didn't have a lot and not a lot of money or if they're always that generous (haven't been able to make it to a baby shower at church in years).  But it's a good thing that we were moving or I probably would have bought a lot more and wasted a lot of money!  To anyone planning on kids soon definitely remember that people LOVE babies and will go overboad on gifts for you.  As hard as it is, try to wait before buying anything.  If you feel you must contribute to the baby's belongings, learn a craft.  Crochet or knit some hats.  They take longer than just buying one at the store and you'll still feel satisfied about contributing.  It will cost you less and you won't be picking up "a little something" every trip to the store you make.  In fact, I'd suggest budgeting money for yourself during the pregnancy!  Reviewing our finances you can definitely tell which month I got pregnant in.  A lot more eating out since I was exhausted and had a lot of food aversions to things at the house.  It would have been nice to factor in some prenatal massages or general pampering.  This is kind of your last chance to put you first.  Not that you can entirely do that while pregnant, but seriously, make it easy on yourself while you can!

Ok, so about my appointment this week.  I had to do my first non-stress test where they monitor the baby's heartbeat during contractions or other movement.  But I wasn't having any real contractions and he was sleeping so it took awhile.  We tried ice water, we tried turning on my left side, nothing would wake him up!  I kept poking at him and finally got a few good kicks out of him.  He was all crazy before the appointment, and afterwards when I had a snack.  I have another one tomorrow and I'll be sure to eat just before going in!  It turns out that I have PUPPs a very painful rash on my belly and I've been given a prescription strength antihistimine.  I took one before bed on Tuesday and I felt its effects all day yesterday.  So I only had half of one last night and that seemed to work better.  It was so nice to sleep since I had been waking up itching for the last several nights.  And during the day it itches a lot less too.  But the rash itself is normal, and just something that some women get (though evidence shows most of them are pregnant with boys).  They mentioned my swelling again.  I gained 6 pounds this week and it's not just a fluke on their scale, it says so on mine too.  Since August I had only gained like 2 pounds, depending on which time of day you weighed me.  So this really, really stuck out!  My blood pressure was ok, but there have been times when it has been high.  I mentioned that at my shower on Sunday I was seeing stars for part of it (didn't tell anyone though because I didn't want my mom freaking out) and I've seen some floaters and that most of Monday and Tuesday I had a lot of sensitivity to light (still do) so they wanted me to do a 24 hour urine collection to check for pre eclampsia.  Usually they go by protein in the urine (usually noticable with just a dipstick test at the office) and high blood pressure but it can be tricky to catch some times.  So I did that yesterday and today, it was sooo pleasant (note the sarcasm). 

It's not that I want to have pre-eclampsia.  It would be difficult.  I'd probably be put on bed rest (which the boys would probably die during) and then I'd probably definitely be induced at 38 weeks.  But I would really like an answer as to what's up with my swelling.  I'm swollen past my knees, no matter how much water I drink and how long or high I elevate my feet.  It will go down some but not all the way.  The worst is my belly.  I look huge and a lot of that is actual swelling.  One OB told me it was because he hangs so low and so I bought this special harness thing to push it up.  A) that thing hurts and B) so far has not worked.  And it doesn't make sense because the swelling is spreading.  It started out just the very bottom part but now 2 weeks later it's all the way up at my belly button, has spread farther out and pits more (when you can push in with your finger and leave an indentation).  Nothing normal about that.  The skin doesn't even feel like skin anymore.  I'd post a pic but I don't want to scare people!  It's kind of hard getting around when I'm so swollen!

I will begin having two non stress tests a week and I have a growth ultrasound on Monday.  After this one is when they'll be deciding if he's too big to try a vaginal birth.  At the last one his belly measured in the 95th percentile and was really broad, so they're afraid he could get stuck after getting his head out.  We'll see how this one goes.  After a few more non stress tests is when they'll decide as to how early he should be born.  As far as I know, no chance of giving me until 40 weeks and definitely not going later.  So right now it's looking like sometime between November 4th and November 11th, probably closer to the 11th.  But I'll know more later.  I've done some research on c-section recovery and at first I was really freaked out.  It means I'd need A LOT of help.  Probably more than Doug and my Mom and even my sister can give.  So we'll just have to leave that in God's hands.  In the end I'm going to go with whatever they suggest.  I'm not just a simple case anymore and I'm not just asking for one so I won't be fighting them on the issue.  It's a real concern if he would get stuck, very life threatening and would require an immediate c-section.  Even if they'd schedule one and then afterwards say "Well, he probably would have been ok coming out normally" just the fact that they thought there was a high risk would make it worth it to me.  I've done research to make sure I get the safest car seat, crib mattress, crib, feeding him, diapering him etc.  Why would I gamble when it came to delivery?  Hopefully they won't be thinking that, but if they do then I will listen. 

So, I guess that's it.  Here's some nursery pics.  It's not quite finished and we've put away more things, but it's definitely coming together!


Me at 35weeks3days and after dropping

Before pics of the nursery

After:

It's not perfect but I think it's amazing compared to the before pics!  I think most people would never have even bothered using this room!