Oh my this pregnancy is flying by! And it needs to slooooooow down!
I'm 25 weeks but had my 24 week check up today. I still haven't gained any weight. My blood sugar levels are great but they're going to make me do another test at 28 weeks. I will arrive and do a fasting, then eat breakfast and test 2 hours after. Which is ridiculous if you ask me because that is what I do at my house. But sure, let me pay extra for that. I was more than willing to do another 3 hour if needed. The difference is drinking the glucose solution. Yeah, it's nasty but not so nasty that I'm willing to do anything under the sun to avoid it. And I know I'm overweight but I haven't even gained any weight yet, so Dr. S can quit acting like I exist off of sugar. I'm really not a fan of her, and she's the one that I've seen each time due to some kind of scheduling glitch.
So as soon as I pass the 28 week thing I am off to Brookhaven Birth Center. And if I fail it (feels like a lot would have to change between now and then) then I will have to see if someone in Stuanton offers VBAC (vaginal birth after caeserean) because my research is showing that to be safer. The argument Harrisonburg OB/Gyn has of "there's not enough anesthesiologists for emergency situations on staff" is actually ludicrious when you think about it. What happens if I go into labor early? Late enough for them to not want to stop labor but not on their time schedule? They would either need to make space for me immediately or let me labor some until an opening occurred. Laboring under that condition is no worse than laboring for a VBAC, especially because most issues occur early in labor, usually before a woman would even have very timeable contractions and be calling the hospital. I'm not so cynical as to think that they're doing it to make more money or work around their schedule, it's probably law suit and insurance related. But anyway, considering right now I'm thinking we'd eventually like another child or two, having repeat c-sections is repeatedly more dangerous.
We have definitely decided to stay at FIL's for a few more months. We're going to spend some money now to make some improvements for us downstairs, around what we would pay for one month's rent anywhere. And then we'll look again when baby is a few months old. I just didn't want the stress of moving and then buying all the baby things back to back in the last 2 months before delivery. So the next time we look there won't be such a time crunch. It might not be the most fun but it won't be on the same level of "Ok, all of May and June are out because I will be giving birth during one of them." So if it takes a few months to find the right place then that will be ok. And again, there is a very strong possibility that Doug is getting a promotion in the next few months.
Symptom wise there's nothing really new to report. I am sleeping a little better now, we got a new bed and mattress. We have been looking off and on since October and everytime Doug was was about to pull the trigger I started feeling guilty spending that type of money. But our sleep finally got bad enough and I realized that it doesn't matter if we don't have a lot of money, things break. Things break and you have to fix them and that's just the way it is. And actually it worked out better because we found the same bed we had been loving at the Ashley Furniture Store at their discount place across town but in white instead of a stain for $800 instead of $1200 and then we got the mattress there for $200. Yeah, a king size for $200!! He practically gave it away for free. It feels much better. Not as good as the kind we would have bought but we can update later if we need it. And we were able to keep king size.
Baby girl is quite the mover. I think she dashes up to the top of my uterus and then just jumps down, a lot.
We used Doug's honor points from when he travelled for work training in August (they paid for it but he still got the points) and got a $200 a night hotel in Alexandria for $60. We did a one night trip, got to sleep in and enjoy some Smithsonians. The only downsides were that we shouldn't have worked the day of and then our car battery randomly died just before leaving after dinner with Doug's aunt and uncle. Thankfully they were still with us and were able to drive us to Wal-Mart and then their house to get tools (seriously, the Wal-Mart didn't even have a hammer or nails, ridiculous) and then back to the car since it wouldn't even take a jump. We planned to get home at 10 pm at the latest, got home after 1 am. Doug was up at 5:30 for work, Teddy woke up at 5:45. Definitely tired for the next few days. It would be nice to go away again for a night before baby is born, this being our first time being that far from Teddy, but I don't know who we'd leave him with. It's dramatic, so I guess that probably won't happen.
Ugh, he is still waking up so early. He did this last year too, so I'm hopeful that he will eventually sleep later again before the baby is born but my body is just not adjusting to falling asleep early. So I'm always feeling tired. And then I ask Doug to help some in the mornings and I feel really bad because even though I've already been up with Teddy for 2-3 hours, Doug has only been asleep for 6. Really hoping something changes before we have to deal with midnight feedings.
But he's also just soo smart! Talking so much, finally learned his colors! We're working on potty training. We started in January but then kind of took a break when I got sick. We will be transitioning him to a big boy bed soon. He is semi interested in climbing out, is climbing on a lot of things these days, but mostly because it is sooo hard for me to get him in there, especially if he doesn't want to.
I really need to get some pics on here!
Friday, February 22, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
Contemplating the impossible
Sigh. In the last few weeks I've suddenly gotten really into reading again. This means I'm trying to escape reality. Turns out my voracious hunger in high school for reading, even mundane things like text books, was because I hated my reality. Not that the reality of my life now is anywhere close to the reality it was then. God has been faithful to me. But, I'm still unhappy with how things are turning out.
Doug finally got on board with us looking for a place to move. Finally realized how difficult his dad is as a roommate, how little privacy there is. The space isn't insanely small, but it's just not ours. And the terror of adding a newborn into the mix. So we officially started looking on February 1st but I browsed for most of January, to get an idea of the market. We haven't rented since 2006. And honestly, the market is a bit confusing. I'm seeing things that are relatively the same size (900-1000 sq ft/2bed,1bath) and the same town range from $500-700+. That seems odd. Especially when it's a small town like Grottoes. There's not really "bad" neighborhoods there. Looking at a place like Staunton, which would be close to Doug's work, is even scarier. Everything we can afford is in the scary parts of town. Realistically, we need to be closer to $550-600 a month. I'd like to take the time to point out that when we bought our condo our mortgage was $575, when the market was high, for a 4 bed, 2 bath apartment in town. Not the best neighborhood but not unsafe either and when we bought it there weren't roaches or anything in there either (thank you nasty tenants who were our "friends" and the HOA manager who got indited and imprisoned for embezzlement rather than paying to fix the outdated pipes). It was cheaper to buy that place than it was to rent a 2 bedroom in the same town. But now we can't even find that price in a good part of town and without peeling paint, windows with gaps etc.
Also, like I said, we don't have (in state) rental history since before 2006. Our last landlords moved out of state, last I heard, and I would have no clue how to contact them. And our credit is still really bad from the bankruptcy. Not terrible, but not great. Pretty sure it was probably worse in 2006 actually since we were just starting out with credit, but no one wants to hear that now. Things have changed so much. People won't even give us an application to apply.
And there are downsides to moving. FIL might annoy me most of the time he's home and awake and moving around, but eventually he leaves. And if I am feeling especially moody or not up to his crap, I can try to hide out in the basement. It gets sticky around dinner time, which he only ever interrupts when Doug works. What is the deal with that?! And while we have cabinetry, a mini fridge, a microwave and a sink downstairs I can't really cook in it. We tried with a hot plate and it got fried. Apparently the wiring is pretty bad down here. But is any of this worse than living near neighbors I don't know? Who never leave? We have seldom seen a house for rent we can afford. It will be a townhouse (meaning attached on at least one side) or an apartment. If it's an apartment I then have to decide between having a neighbor on my head or lugging 2 kids and things up a flight of stairs and across a parking lot. I've done it with Teddy before and it's not fun either. And there's just noise. There are people leaving for work at 3 am and stomping on the steps. There are car alarms going off and horns honking for rides, deliveries to the wrong apartment banging on your door. FIL might not succeed in being quiet but he does try a little and isn't as bad as those things happening. But then I realize I haven't had a kitchen to myself since December 2009 and I really miss it. I miss having my own house and the privacy.
And once again I'm left feeling dumb for going off bcp when I did, even though after 7 years of infertility you think you'd be able to count on that. Even though I went in a prayer line, I didn't expect a miracle, I expected eventual healing. I'm not complaining, just not understanding.
So right now our choices are applying for low income housing and it still be tight on our budget, or staying with my FIL and trying to work on some of the things that we can fix, like maybe a thick runner and pad in the hallway and drywalling around the furnace so it doesn't rattle behind my head all night long (and keep me up).
I'm such a mess right now. I think on the one hand, while apartment life isn't great, plenty of people do it, and it would be ours. There are several parks in Grottoes that could make up for not having a yard, there's even a grocery store, general stores and restaurants now. It's grown a good bit since I first moved there when I was 14. It takes a lot of pride swallowing to consider applying for government assistance. I grew up on it. But I didn't make stupid choices. I didn't get involved with bad men, drink, do drugs, run away from home etc. like most of the residents, my mother and other family members did. My decisions at least had a potential to turn out well. But really, unless we relocate for me to work full time somewhere using my degree and I can somehow get over putting my kids in full time daycare and juggling work and home life, there's nothing I can do about it. I disagree with the idea that because I have a degree I need to use it right now, and because I have it means I should somehow be just as capable as juggling everything. It doesn't make me less anything because I can't juggle being a working mom. Being a working mom is a new phenomenon and I have immense respect for those that do it but that should not be the standard to judge me by. But then on the other hand, it really feels ridiculous to live with FIL, in his basement, with 2 kids and after having a college degree and being married 8 years. I feel like society expects me to suck it up, either via work or government assistance, even though we don't live here free and even though our money would still be tight (because daycare is insane versus job availability and they can pay low right now because everyone is looking).
I guess when I take away my thoughts on what society wants of me, it's smartest to stay here. We can actually save and will be closer to our own home. Doug will most likely be getting a promotion, it's just a matter of when and the fact that I didn't want to sit here forever and end up worrying about it all and moving at 9 months pregnant. I filled out the Section 8 application and then sat down and did the math and just immediately felt like a voice was telling me we were making a mistake.
And when I realize what God did for me, that He's ultimately in control even though I can not remotely see where my next step is right now.
And good Lord these children better appreciate this. Because it might honestly be easier on me to throw them in daycare, work my butt off and never spend time with them and bring home $30 a week and/or live in government housing than it is to continue to live with my FIL, as I'm reminded because he just stomped on my head 6 times back and forth consecutively. He'd get half way down the hall and then turn around again, again and again. What on earth?!! And it's not just that he stomps, but that I then have to have stupid conversations with him about things that don't interest me at all and center entirely on him being conceited. Oh, wait, he just went by again. AND I can hear him on the phone.
And again, I'm worried about having a newborn in this again because it about killed me with Teddy. Or maybe I should say I about killed someone else, lol! ;)
Doug finally got on board with us looking for a place to move. Finally realized how difficult his dad is as a roommate, how little privacy there is. The space isn't insanely small, but it's just not ours. And the terror of adding a newborn into the mix. So we officially started looking on February 1st but I browsed for most of January, to get an idea of the market. We haven't rented since 2006. And honestly, the market is a bit confusing. I'm seeing things that are relatively the same size (900-1000 sq ft/2bed,1bath) and the same town range from $500-700+. That seems odd. Especially when it's a small town like Grottoes. There's not really "bad" neighborhoods there. Looking at a place like Staunton, which would be close to Doug's work, is even scarier. Everything we can afford is in the scary parts of town. Realistically, we need to be closer to $550-600 a month. I'd like to take the time to point out that when we bought our condo our mortgage was $575, when the market was high, for a 4 bed, 2 bath apartment in town. Not the best neighborhood but not unsafe either and when we bought it there weren't roaches or anything in there either (thank you nasty tenants who were our "friends" and the HOA manager who got indited and imprisoned for embezzlement rather than paying to fix the outdated pipes). It was cheaper to buy that place than it was to rent a 2 bedroom in the same town. But now we can't even find that price in a good part of town and without peeling paint, windows with gaps etc.
Also, like I said, we don't have (in state) rental history since before 2006. Our last landlords moved out of state, last I heard, and I would have no clue how to contact them. And our credit is still really bad from the bankruptcy. Not terrible, but not great. Pretty sure it was probably worse in 2006 actually since we were just starting out with credit, but no one wants to hear that now. Things have changed so much. People won't even give us an application to apply.
And there are downsides to moving. FIL might annoy me most of the time he's home and awake and moving around, but eventually he leaves. And if I am feeling especially moody or not up to his crap, I can try to hide out in the basement. It gets sticky around dinner time, which he only ever interrupts when Doug works. What is the deal with that?! And while we have cabinetry, a mini fridge, a microwave and a sink downstairs I can't really cook in it. We tried with a hot plate and it got fried. Apparently the wiring is pretty bad down here. But is any of this worse than living near neighbors I don't know? Who never leave? We have seldom seen a house for rent we can afford. It will be a townhouse (meaning attached on at least one side) or an apartment. If it's an apartment I then have to decide between having a neighbor on my head or lugging 2 kids and things up a flight of stairs and across a parking lot. I've done it with Teddy before and it's not fun either. And there's just noise. There are people leaving for work at 3 am and stomping on the steps. There are car alarms going off and horns honking for rides, deliveries to the wrong apartment banging on your door. FIL might not succeed in being quiet but he does try a little and isn't as bad as those things happening. But then I realize I haven't had a kitchen to myself since December 2009 and I really miss it. I miss having my own house and the privacy.
And once again I'm left feeling dumb for going off bcp when I did, even though after 7 years of infertility you think you'd be able to count on that. Even though I went in a prayer line, I didn't expect a miracle, I expected eventual healing. I'm not complaining, just not understanding.
So right now our choices are applying for low income housing and it still be tight on our budget, or staying with my FIL and trying to work on some of the things that we can fix, like maybe a thick runner and pad in the hallway and drywalling around the furnace so it doesn't rattle behind my head all night long (and keep me up).
I'm such a mess right now. I think on the one hand, while apartment life isn't great, plenty of people do it, and it would be ours. There are several parks in Grottoes that could make up for not having a yard, there's even a grocery store, general stores and restaurants now. It's grown a good bit since I first moved there when I was 14. It takes a lot of pride swallowing to consider applying for government assistance. I grew up on it. But I didn't make stupid choices. I didn't get involved with bad men, drink, do drugs, run away from home etc. like most of the residents, my mother and other family members did. My decisions at least had a potential to turn out well. But really, unless we relocate for me to work full time somewhere using my degree and I can somehow get over putting my kids in full time daycare and juggling work and home life, there's nothing I can do about it. I disagree with the idea that because I have a degree I need to use it right now, and because I have it means I should somehow be just as capable as juggling everything. It doesn't make me less anything because I can't juggle being a working mom. Being a working mom is a new phenomenon and I have immense respect for those that do it but that should not be the standard to judge me by. But then on the other hand, it really feels ridiculous to live with FIL, in his basement, with 2 kids and after having a college degree and being married 8 years. I feel like society expects me to suck it up, either via work or government assistance, even though we don't live here free and even though our money would still be tight (because daycare is insane versus job availability and they can pay low right now because everyone is looking).
I guess when I take away my thoughts on what society wants of me, it's smartest to stay here. We can actually save and will be closer to our own home. Doug will most likely be getting a promotion, it's just a matter of when and the fact that I didn't want to sit here forever and end up worrying about it all and moving at 9 months pregnant. I filled out the Section 8 application and then sat down and did the math and just immediately felt like a voice was telling me we were making a mistake.
And when I realize what God did for me, that He's ultimately in control even though I can not remotely see where my next step is right now.
And good Lord these children better appreciate this. Because it might honestly be easier on me to throw them in daycare, work my butt off and never spend time with them and bring home $30 a week and/or live in government housing than it is to continue to live with my FIL, as I'm reminded because he just stomped on my head 6 times back and forth consecutively. He'd get half way down the hall and then turn around again, again and again. What on earth?!! And it's not just that he stomps, but that I then have to have stupid conversations with him about things that don't interest me at all and center entirely on him being conceited. Oh, wait, he just went by again. AND I can hear him on the phone.
And again, I'm worried about having a newborn in this again because it about killed me with Teddy. Or maybe I should say I about killed someone else, lol! ;)
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