It feels so surreal to know that I'm finally going to get to meet Teddy tomorrow!
I"m definitely ready for all the worrying to be over. My blood pressure is still high, I'm still swollen and still having headaches. But if it weren't for these things I think I'd be ok hanging in until 41 weeks. All along I thought he'd be late, so I suppose maybe I conditioned myself for that time. I feel like I need more time right now! The house is clean(ish) until my father in law comes home from hunting and then I'm sure it will be destroyed. So then someone will need to kind of do another pass over it before we come home from the hospital. I'm having a lot of cramping and pressure, but it's not horrible. The SPD pain was worse. I think some of that is mental though. This pain and pressure is normal, necessary for birth etc. SPD was awful and so many weeks to go before birth still! Though I guess it's kind of good to have experienced both. I haven't really been moving fast and waddle free since August, so I won't have to worry about pushing myself too hard or fast with c-section recovery.
I'm not really nervous about tomorrow. I've had surgeries before. The big difference will be being awake for this one. My other ones anesthesia knocked me out, so I was vaguely aware that several doctors and nurses were in the room but I've been warned that it could feel like a dozen people are descending on me tomorrow. I think I'll be ok. I think the worst will be when I'm alone being prepped before surgery and then in the recover room (though I think Doug can be there). I've already told Doug and Mom to make sure I take my pain meds. After my other surgeries I gave up on the pain meds shortly after being released. I still felt some pain but I pushed through it. I even ate pizza 2 days after having my tonsils released. But this time I have to care for a newborn. I've read that keeping on top of the pain management at the hospital really helps getting off the serious pain meds earlier once at home. And I know from those other surgeries and illnesses that my body can still be in pain even if I don't pause long enough to feel it. And I'll be setting an alarm to remind myself to remind the nurses when I should get it. I'll have to force myself to ask them for it even if they don't offer and it seems like they've got other things to do. Taking care of me will help me take care of Teddy, and so even though I hate being a burden and needing help, I'm just going to have to suck it up and ask!
I'm a little nervous about what it will be like after being released. I just don't know how I'll feel after it all and a lot of it depends on which day I'm released. Doug can take 2 days off of work after I'm home but it may not work for it to be the first 2 days. But his schedule next week is 7am-5pm and Mom also works 6am-3pm and Cindy works early morning too. I hope I won't need as much help as they make it seem. I mean, emotionally, I've already prepared myself to be a wreck when I'll be left alone. But some c-section moms need help even picking up the baby. I also wonder how well I will be able to handle the stairs. I think it may work best for me to just hang out upstairs as much as possible. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
I'm really looking forward to getting to eat normal again. It's not just because I'm dying for some donuts but I miss getting to have fruit, yogurt, milk, juice, whenever I want. I miss not having to plan my whole day around meal times and testing times. And not having to calculate how much protein and carbs are in each meal- especially when trying to eat out. I miss not having to make sure I've got protein at each snack.
BUT I'm going to miss feeling him in my belly! Now I've got to share him with the rest of the world! But I know it will be worth it and I would not want him to grow inside me forever. Haha, and I was just telling a friend today about how I blogged several weeks ago about how I just couldn't understand how my belly could continue to stretch and get bigger. Well, it has and I've survived. It is pretty exhausting carrying around such a big baby, extra fluid and swelling though!
I really can't believe I've made it this far. I can't believe that we survived the first trimester. I've had friends who haven't made it this far. I've made it full term. I've survived the diet restrictions of gestational diabetes and the complications and concerns of pregnancy induced hypertension and the stress of having seemingly indifferent OBs. And despite it all he's looking really great and healthy on all of his scans this week and we have no reason to fear otherwise tomorrow. But tomorrow it will all be worth it. I hope I remember that always!
And now it's time to try to sleep. I'm so swollen again, since I've actually been up and getting things done instead of actually doing the bed rest thing. Oh, and I have to brag on Doug. He's actually been great the last 10 days of doing things around the house and cooking for me. So thankful it's just been for such a short time period though!
I can't wait to share some pics of him!!
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