Drama, drama, drama

I feel like I need a vacation!  Earlier in this pregnancy there was all sorts of drama with moving to VA, leaving AK, all of that.  I posted about that a few months ago, no need to rehash it all.  Then it's taken some time to readjust here and right around the time we kind of got our sea legs came the GD diagnosis and now every appointment brings something new!

At my appointment on Friday they did a non-stress test.  Teddy wasn't moving and even after a lot of poking and prodding his heart rate wasn't going up like it should.  The point of a NST is to make sure that his heartrate will increase during contractions.  If you're not having contractions at the time of testing then they look at his movement.  At my first NST on Tuesday he didn't move a lot.  Sometimes he moves more after I eat so I made sure I had just eaten breakfast before this appointment.  Also, cold drinks work well.  So I had a diet coke and some ice water.  Nada!  They finally gave me some juice but he still didn't really move until 15 minutes later so they don't think that even worked.  First it took forever to find his heartbeat.  I'm so swollen it's just so hard!  Then I was there for about 2 hours and they were getting very concerned.  They finally said that if they didn't get good marked movement and an increase in a heartrate in the next 10 minutes they were going to have to send me to the hospital to get an ultrasound.  Which freaked me out because they have ultrasound machines there- why would I specifically need to go to the hospital?!  They extended that 10 minute scenario 2 times and that's when he finally cooperated.  It was lunch time so they just kind of said "Well, that was close but he's fine so you can go."  And as I was going out the door I asked for the results to my 24 hour urine collection, which they said was fine.

My instinct said to sit down and demand to talk to a doctor.  It didn't make any sense.  I was told that the decreased movement was fine, but yet they were getting scared today.  I was already told that I'd be monitored for pre-eclampsia becasue I am at a higher risk with GD and after I told the doctor at the appointment on Tuesday about my headaches and seeing floaters (but not constant) she wanted to do a 24 hour urine collection.  My blood pressure had been fine at all my appointments in October but in September they were generally borderline.  My swelling has been crazy!  Laying down and elevating my feet and increasing my water hardly reduces it at all.  I'll wake up in the morning and they're still swollen.  All the way up my legs now.  That morning I noticed that the indentation of the seam to my nightgown was in a lot deeper than usual so I wondered if my thighs were swelling too.  And my eyelids had been puffy.  I should have asked for them to check my BP but I didn't.  The only symptom I'm missing from the diagnosis of pre-eclampsia is high protein in the urine.  And they didn't tell me a number so I don't know if it's one of those things where I was totally in the clear or I barely passed.  Either way, I always get the feeling that they think I'm blowing everything out of proportion.  So then I'll stop mentioning things and then 2 weeks later they'll be concerned about it.  That happened with the swelling, my rash and now the movement. 

But I left.  I was upset and posted on thebump and was encouraged by them and my mom to go ahead and call and see if there was any explanation for the things going on.  I had never been told why all of it was going on, just told that after lab work everything was fine.  I want to trust the labwork, but there have been other times when I've been sick with things and the labwork didn't seem to indicate it.  Such as the kidney infection stuff.  There is still no earthly reason why no antibiotic ever got rid of it and yet I never got worse.  There were ultrasounds done and usually if you're sick like that for that long other things are going on, like kidney stones, bladder cancer etc.  Nope, totally fine.  And then inexplicably it disappeared.  Even this last time with my UTI caused by Strep B, they didn't want to send out for a culture because the dipstick said it was fine, but I knew something was up.  And I'm not a doctor.  I don't know if there is a 1 in a million chance of having pre-eclampsia without high protein or not.  I could be that one in a million.  I know I sound paranoid and like a complainer but after some of the things I've gone through and the fact that it would be effecting my baby- I feel justified in asking those questions!  I was 99% sure everything was fine and that it just meant I would be miserable but as long as everything was fine with Teddy I was ok with that.

So I called in, again not really thinking anything was wrong, just wanting that to be said to me.  The nurse called back and said that swelling can be bad sometimes and to try xyz, all the things I've been doing since July.  I spend hours everyday in bed.  Just sitting right now on the computer my feet have started to swell and are in pain.  She also suggested getting my BP checked at Wal-mart or something just to ease my mind.  So not the answer I wanted to hear, but I accepted it.  I had a bit of a headache but took a little nap.  I still had the headache when I woke up and decided I'd get my BP checked before picking Doug up from work.  I thought it was a fools errand though, because all my lab work for pre-eclampsia just came back fine and it had been fine for weeks.  The Wal-Mart off of Rt. 33 is always crowded, especially on a Friday evening.  I didn't think it really effected me but when I tested it was 157/87 with a pulse of 122!!  At first I thought the machine was broken but the bottom number wasn't horribly off from where it usually is for me.  So I tried again and thought about relaxing on a beach and it was still just as bad.  The headache had really intensified, especially due to the lights and driving at night and I was feeling a little dizzy.  So I left and picked Doug up.  I told him I needed to eat something and wanted to relax for about an hour and to try the other Wal-Mart (much slower paced) and see what it said.  He had been pushing for me to just go to the hospital since 3pm (but I think he mostly just wanted to leave work early and is hoping for Teddy come out every day).  So he agreed to that.  An hour later I tested and it went up to 162/97!  Doug tested and his was fine, so definitely not a problem with the monitor.  I knew enough about pre-eclampsia to know that even if that's what was going on it wouldn't be life threatening.  The worst that can happen is the BP getting so high I have a seizure, which at this point wouldn't happen and there's medicine that would be given to prevent one.  If they needed to delivery Teddy tonight he would be fine at 36 weeks.  He might have to spend some time in the NICU but it's not the scary scenario it would have been at 34 or less weeks.  So I don't think that I was overly anxious about it.  I can surprisingly be calm in a crisis when needed.

So I called the office and they said to go on into to Labor and Delivery.  The doctor thought it was probably a migraine but said that they'd go ahead and check my labs again.  When I got there they made me use a wheelchair due to the high BP, I felt so ridiculous since I wasn't having contractions!  Then they started checking my BP and it wasn't horribly high but not normal either.  The headache was awful, at least an 8 on my headache pain scale.  They had to do a catheter which really hurt!  I had one done a few years ago but I'm so swollen and sensitive now!  And having the headache didn't help.  They kept having to turn the lights on and the noise from the heartrate monitor even seemed really loud to me.  Every little tug and prick hurt 1,000 times worse.  After the labwork came back clean it was clear that it had to be a migraine, which spiked my BP, and therefore also made the pain worse.  So I was given some medication (Oxytocin or Oxycodon- I can't remember which).  And that started to work really well.  It didn't erase the pain but I was able to be discharged and sent home.  For the rest of the weekend the pain was still there and would flare up sometimes, usually at night or after being around artificial light.  I'm still suffering with it.  So I missed church this weekend, felt like dying after my appointment yesterday and so far today have done nothing.  This post is taking longer than I thought so it's not helping.

So my appointment yesterday wasn't the greatest either.  I had my growth scan done first and he is still measuring really broad at 94%.  His weight is estimated at 7.5 pounds but that could be off to start with plus the fact that I've got a lot more fluid this time.  But last time he was 5.5 pounds and measuring 95% broad so there does seem to be a consistent pattern.  My blood sugar levels have been crazy for the past few days.  I'll eat the same thing and they'll be inexplicably high or low.  I forgot my sheet yesterday but I have another appointment on Thursday and if they're not insanely better and more regular and I somehow remember a rhyme or reason to the other numbers I'll be put on insulin during the day as well.  Well controlled GD patients can usually go 40 weeks.  Since mine isn't and is getting worse, that alone would make them want to induce at 39 or 38 weeks.  We'll have another scan at 38.5 weeks but right now it's looking like a c-section is needed.  Not really because how much he weighs but because he's so broad and GD babies grow differently.  The benefits of having a c-section, even if it ends up not being necessary, outweigh the risk of him getting stuck during labor.  This is actually better news than I was expecting.  I was preparing myself to hear a c-section at 38 weeks, so I have at least a few more days to get everything ready.

After the scan I was supposed to do my NST.  Actually, I thought I would have time for lunch and they'd do the NST as part of my appointment (scheduled 2 hours later).  But no.  Glad I brought a snack!  I had to wait to use the machine and then it took 15 minutes to get a good hold on the heartbeat again.  I had the monitor on for about 3 minutes when the nurse came back in and said we don't need to do it since there was good movement on the ultrasound.  Yes, I know that.  She told me she would note that in there in case there was trouble like last time but the tech didn't say it was going to replace a NST.  I even asked, "Are you sure?  I thought the purpose of a NST was to monitor if his heart rate increases during a contraction or movement.  He was moving just a little during the ultrasound and only one good jab and she wasn't really monitoring the heart rate."  The nurse said she was sure and so then I had to do my regular appointment.  She begins to test my BP and my bottom number is crazy high.  I had a headache again, I assumed from the hunger and so much time in the weird light.  But she took it 4 times before telling me to lay down and that she'd come back and check again.  Same thing 10 minutes later.  Finally they got the doctor to come and do it and he took it about 5 times.  He finally rationalized that for some reason they couldn't hear it when it was lower than 100 but when he looked at the dial he could see it pulse at 70.  Ok, but everyone could hear it just fine on Friday?  And I don't remember it ever being in the 70s, it was always at least 80.  Does that mean people have been wrong all along?  Why can't you hear it?  So then I totally forgot to try to get a real explanation about the swelling etc. and ask about the whole "one in a million" concept just to put my mind at ease and ask what on earth is going on with these knots I have in my upper abdomen.  I asked the ultrasound tech if she could figure out what they were and she just ignored me and until last week I thought it was a foot!  But they've gotten bigger, rounder and are painful.  So basically that was the appointment.  "Oh, here's this lame explanation for your bp being weird again, you know your labwork came back fine (yeah I do, but pre-e usually develops after 37 weeks so therefore the majority of women are fine at 36 weeks and suddenly not at 37 so I could have been fine on Wednesday and Friday but not now), looks like a c-section will be needed due to xyz but we'll decide for sure when after the next ultrasound, and so we don't need to do internal exams, ok, bye now." 

GRRR!!!!!!  Well, and I managed to get a note from him which will give me a nice extension on my classes.  Ugh, I hate how short and dramatic each appointment is.  One time I even wrote everything down and the doctor was sooo annoyed that I had a list and didn't let her go until I went over each one.  I know they're the doctors but I'd like to be told what is going on.  For all I know they could all be thinking "Ok, she's going to need insulin during the day, a c-section, probably at 38.5 weeks etc and given the swelling and BP she will likely develop pre-eclampsia at 37 or 38 weeks so maybe we'll take him earlier."  GRRR!  If in their experience that has been the case, just tell me.  I swear I'm not one of those women who will freak out.  I just want to be prepared so I won't freak out.  So far every complication that has arisen they seem to have totally seen coming.  Well, then why not share it with me?  Do you think I like spending hours on google everyday and trying not to let my mind get ahead of itself, but when I'm not given answers what do you think I'm going to do?!  Such as when my BP was high, I had done research on pre-eclampsia and so I knew that everything would be ok if I was indeed diagnosed.  But now my fear is that they're not taking me seriously and so I could miss being diagnosed because not every woman has every symptom (again, I don't know but that seems to be the way every other illness under the sun works) or that they've had a plan all along but I don't get to know about.  As in if there is a 1 in 6 chance of me giving birth at 37 weeks due to pre-e, tell me!  If there is a 1 in 4 chance of me needing a c-section, tell me!  If there is a 1 in 5 chance of it needing to be performed during the 38th week due to my sugar levels, tell me!  I don't know about any of those numbers, I'm just making them up.  But I am a statistic.  I know that.  I fit into an equation like that somewhere.  Well, tell me then!  Otherwise, most first time births have like a 95% chance of going late.  See, most mothers are prepared to go past 40 weeks.  I'd just like to know if I should be prepared to go even earlier or develop yet another complication.

I'm sure there's no perfect OB/GYN office out there, but I am not happy with how things are going at this place.  And now, my mom's co-worker has told me not to let Dr. Visger do my c-section.  She's the one who I've had bad experiences with.  Ok, so when the time comes to schedule one do I just demand that it's not her?  What if I go into labor early and she's the one on call?  They all have days when they're the ones at the hospital doing procedures, and then also days and nights when they're on call.  I have a 1 in 4 chance of getting her no matter what.  I wish I had put more effort into researching which OB to have before scheduling with them after my GD test.  I probably would have gone back to my original OB/GYN in Hburg (Harrisonburg OB/GYN) and now I kind of wish I had.  I just wanted to hurry up and get it settled and we didn't have insurance yet so it didn't seem like it mattered very much. 

Ok, I have to stop since my eyes and head are really hurting and my feet belong to an elephant now.