This was a disappointing appointment to say the least. First of all the day before Teddy hadn't moved at all from 9 am until after my nap at 2:30 pm. I didn't really realize it until I was about to fall asleep. They say they have a normal schedule but I haven't really noticed that. My OBs have said not to worry about it since I don't have a normal schedule either. It's not like I work 9am-5pm or something. I get up when Doug goes to work, which varies, most of the time. Sometimes, like when he's scheduled for 5 am, I'm still asleep. It didn't help that Tuesday night I slept really good and only woke up 2 times compared to the 5 times just for peeing and the other 3-6 times for tossing and turning/random insomnia. But I felt like I hadn't slept at all! Maybe Teddy was up all night. Anyway, after I woke up from my nap he was very active and so I wasn't concerned at all.
Well, I wasn't concerned until the OB took forever finding his heartbeat! How on earth can he "hide" at this point?!! I had just felt him like 5 minutes before, but you never know how quickly something bad can happen! Not the best start to the appointment.
Also, she talked to me more about my ultrasound last week. Turns out that other OB (who I haven't liked any of the times I've seen her) didn't tell me anything. The biggest concern is that Teddy's belly is measuring large, which means his shoulders probably are too. That can happen with GD babies, they grow differently. So even if I can get his head out, he could get stuck half way which is life threatening. They'll do another ultrasound at 36 or 37 weeks and see if he's continued to grow at an above average rate but right now it's looking like I'm a good candidate for a c-section. While the weight estimates can be off by 2-3 pounds on these late ultrasounds, the measurments of body parts are pretty accurate. So the concern is much more that he just can't fit out rather than the fact that he may be heavy! That's something you never hear people talk about. It's always height, weight and time of birth. Not, oh and his shoulders were in the 95% percentile etc. It makes sense that those numbers are more relavent to delivery, just astonished that I had never really thought about it before.
She said that I'll start doing twice weekly non stress tests at 36 weeks and between that and looking at my insulin levels they will decide when to induce/schedule a section. Right now my numbers are ok so it would probably be 39 weeks. BUT, my post dinner numbers have been higher the last few days so she thinks I might need some before dinner (or maybe lunch) before it's over. I was hoping that I was just eating bad since it's difficult to work everything out over the weekends with church thrown in there. They're giving me until Monday to see if that's the case or not. If I do need to be put on insulin for other times of day then I'll probably be induced at 38 weeks. And of course they had to up my insulin overnight again. Last night was my first night on the new dosage but it was still just as high as ever. I'm beginning to think we'll never get them under control and that really bums me out. Again, they'll probably induce me at 38 weeks.
All along I've handled the "guilt" of GD pretty well. I knew it wasn't my fault and my post eating numbers have been good so I'm doing all I can. And while even the idea of a c-section for medical reasons has its upside (no labor and pushing) I'm saddened by how much I feel everything has changed in one week. I started out this pregnancy seeing midwives and wanting to give birth in a birth center or at home. I thought of birth as a very natural event and no need for medical intervention in normal, healthy women. I still think that, it's just I don't qualify in that group! It's all becoming very medical! A scheduled induction instead of naturally progressing labor is a big step from that, a c-section even more, non-stress tests, extra ultrasounds, more insulin. My pregnancy has a lot more medical things involved now than women who don't share my thoughts on birth and have an OB the whole time and have always planned on an epidural. Just an odd twist of events. Not that I was ever judgemental to those that wanted an OB and hospital birth etc. Surprisingly, it's not the loss of control that is getting to me. I guess in the last few years I've learned that lesson well. But it's the pins and needles waiting thing. It's the doing everything I can and it still not turning out well. I feel like just setting a date and saying definitively (unless some emergency changes the situation) about an induction or c-section would help. It takes so much effort and work to plan out my eating just right it's practically a full time job. I feel like I can't get anything done. I have to eat every 2 hours. I have to make sure I'm having just the right amount of everything. It's not like "ooh, I'm hungry I'll have a candy bar or some cereal." Even something easy like crackers and peanut butter I have to make sure that I'm eating enough but not too much of the peanut butter to get the right protein but not too many carbs. Just knowing that I only have until November 4th or 11th (or whichever date in between) would be helpful. I guess just one less thing to be anxious about! It doesn't help that in real life, no one I know has gone through this. I know it probably doesn't make sense to anyone reading this, whether they've given birth or not, but it just feels like it would help. It would give me something happy to focus on.
I was so distracted about the possibility of needing more insulin and a c-section that I totally forgot to ask for a flu shot and mention my abdominal swelling and pain. Below my belly button is really swollen. It's been slightly swollen for weeks but it's getting worse and is spreading upwards. My ankles are swollen all the time now, sometimes quite badly and it's spreading up my legs. Above my belly button just hurts most of the time. At first I thought it was just when things were rubbing against it all day but that's not really the case. I don't have any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia so it's probably no big deal, just general pregnancy woes, but I'd like to hear an OB say that! And women with GD are more prone to pre-eclampsia so that is in the back of my mind. And the official diagnosis is high blood pressure and protein in urine (though there are often other symptoms) but it's usually not diagnosed until after 37 weeks. So I know it could still happen even if I don't have the high BP and protein in my urine now. I'm not stressing about it, since that doesn't help, just trying not to be stupid about it either.
Well, I'm supposed to be doing homework and cleaning today but I'm exhausted and I've only been up 3 hours. And of course all I want to do is be lazy or work on baby things! On the upside, my shower is next weekend! Of course the downside is that I'll have to be careful of what I eat. Sigh, I just want Teddy to be out now. I feel like staying in me at this point with my GD slightly out of control and now the fact that pre-eclampsia could be a problem is bad for him. I know his lungs aren't really mature yet so it would be better for him to stay in but it hurts because I feel like I'm hurting him and putting him in danger, even though there's nothing I can do to change the situation!
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