So, as I reflect on the last year of Teddy's life I really wish I had taken more pictures and had journaled more, on here or in his baby books. I feel like I blinked and whole months just flew by.
Teddy seems to have figured out all sorts of things in the last few days. He's getting much braver about taking steps on his own, can climb up the stairs and back down. I really think he's starting to figure out the word "no." He says "up!" whenever he sees stairs and when he wants to be picked up. He loves finding our noses, and knows how big he is (How big is Teddy? Soooo big!! With arms up high). He can sign "more" perfectly, "milk" and "all done." I'm working on Mommy and Daddy again because he's not consistently saying them and also trying to differentiate between water, milk in a sippy and 'mommy milk.'
You can really see him figure things out these days. I just can't believe how big he is! I feel like I can barely remember him as a baby. The first few months we weren't able to do much. Doug worked long hard hours and I frequently didn't have access to the car even. Teddy slept awful and when he was awake I typically had to be quiet because of Doug. He slept the first 4 months in my arms. So, that didn't give me much chance to do anything. By the time I was able to sleep train him, I just wanted to recouperate some! We had just moved to the condo which was such a wreck I refused to even cook in it for months. Then Doug left Applebee's and money became so tight. And now we're with his dad again. I wish things had been less hectic and more calm. I wish we had more time and means as a family for real memories.
But I remember the little things. The way his eyes look as he looks up at me while nursing. How he likes to be tickled and hugged. How he loves to grab onto my hands- just like he did when we first met. So maybe I didn't write down the first time he laughed or rolled. But I have a million small little memories which make me his mother.
But definitely with our future kids I will take more pictures and journal more. I'll let the laundry pile up and instead of relaxing, reading about how to fix some kind of problem, napping or cooking I'll be blogging about my kids. I can always ask for some help with those things or pay someone to help me, but I can't have someone make memories and record them for me!
Something specific about today: We had a birthday dinner at our church for our eldest pastor. He's 77 years old!! It's been a hard year for him as he had heart surgery and quite a few complications but he's really been on the mend lately. He's a tough man and has been through a lot! I always get such a kick out of him because he's such a paradox. He'll sit in the car and honk the horn waiting on his wife. You can say he's a bit impatient. But then, as a pastor he can be the most patient man I've ever seen. He can seem no nonsense on one hand, but on the other can be gentle and say a kind word just when someone needs it the most.
And so while we were celebrating this, it was during Teddy's nap time. He's transitioning to one nap and the dinner fell right during nap time. So I tried to get him to sleep in the morning, which didn't work very well. Then we ended up being late and before we left he had just totally had it. The dinners are tough because there's nothing really for him to do yet. He can't walk on his own, and it will be even longer before I can let him down and play really. But he's not content to just be held. He wants to crawl and play. And he won't just tune everything out like other kids and go to sleep when he needs to. But despite all that he took a few steps on his own today! And while I was up with the choir and singing he was clapping to the music.
And last night we were at my work's Christmas party. We were supposed to just drop in and say hi and then leave for church but they had offered ahead of time to serve us dinner. Well, I was under the impression that it would all be ready but it wasn't. And it was a really nice 4 course meal. So we kept having to wait for the next course. By the time it was done we were going to be over an hour late for service and Teddy was tired!! But he was so good while we were there. It was definitely not the place you'd normally bring a child to but he barely made a peep. It was content with the food we gave him and just looked at all the lights and people. I guess given the two choices, I'm glad he behaved better last night instead of this afternoon.
It's just things like this make me feel like a mommy failure because I don't know what to do with him/what I'm doing wrong when every other kid is happy and occupied. I can't even try to make him happy because he gets SO LOUD when he's happy. I think he just has more intense emotions than most other babies. Not really a surprise, his momma sure does!
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