Glance at the time stamp of this post. It used to be I was at church on a Saturday night at 8:50 pm. But hardly ever anymore!
Just when it seemed the ear infections have cleared up Teddy has come down with a really bad allergy attack! His eyes get all matted over and are puffy and swollen, he definitely is not feeling good. He's waking at 5 am again, not able to stay awake very long, not napping very long and needing bed time by 6 pm. I hate how things always seem to happen at the tail end of the week. Did he have an allergy attack on Monday so maybe he could be feeling better by tonight? No, it happens on Wednesday and he's only been on the medication for 3 days (give doses at night) and it's clearly not really in his system yet. And even though we're not sure what he's allergic to the pollen count has been crazy lately so we're spending all of our time indoors until the meds get in his system, which is driving him insane because he loves playing outside so much!
I'm not sleeping at all. I started a new birth control a little over a month ago and let's just say there were some complications with my first period. So no sleeping with that. And then they gave me medication for it and a side effect is lack of sleep. 3 weeks later, I'm off the meds and I'm still not sleeping. I sleep in 20-45 minute increments and then it takes about an hour to fall back asleep. It's beyond exhausting. It's really affecting how I can cope with Teddy and every day situations.
For my own sanity's sake I just can't do with me not sleeping and him not sleeping and trying to keep him happy and entertained well past his bed time when he's not feeling good in a busy and loud environment.
But I'm beginning to hear snide comments over my church attendance lately. Well, I'd like someone to walk in my shoes. And even then, all I'd say is they just must be a better person than I. Because for 17 months I've dealt with Teddy at church and have barely heard a word of sermon and at this point it's just not worth it. I'm getting absolutely zero out of it, he's a hot mess and for his own health needs the rest. Do I wanus to go to church and attend as a family? Yes!! Do I believe that I need to take him even if it's years before he can sit and listen and years before I'm done with little kids and will get to hear a sermon? Yes!! But if I have to make a choice between being able to be a good mommy and not driving to a building then I'm going to go with the first choice. We pray and read every day. We listen to sermons at home. We point out pictures of Jesus and Brother Branham to him. Our faith is living in us all day, every day. I don't need to go to to a building to teach Teddy that and so others can think that I have it. Others that don't even talk to me. So hopefully tomorrow we'll get there. And if not then we'll try again next week and the one after that and the one after that. Eventually Teddy will be healthy enough to make it. Just so no one thinks I'm just laying out of church forever. It just gets me upset that 17 months later I still can't even get a shower every day, brush my hair every day. Other mothers look so put together and have such well behaved infants and have tons of help and I am not any of that. To hear judgement is particularly hurtful. Perhaps we could swap a day and we'll see what they have to say then!
I'm sorry that people are giving you a hard time. Almost every service I wonder how much it is worth going. I can sit in the singing and every once in a while I catch something of a sermon. But I know the Lord will honor our efforts! And it is totally understandable that you stay home when your baby is sick. I think that is responsible. I pray that you both can get some sleep. It will make a huge difference!
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